I Will Still Follow...

It is Old Year's Eve. One of my favorite time of the year. A new year ahead. Time for new beginnings. I sit in my chair waiting. Excitement builds up as I am waiting for my favorite Romanian Adventist tradition: sharing promises for the following year. I send up a prayer, as I always do: "Lord, talk to me and give me the message that I need for the following year." The deacons are going around. I reach out and pick a bookmark.

I eagerly open my Bible to Matthew 19,29 and I start reading: "And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My name’s sake..." I stop right there. My excitement is gone. Frustration and rebellion are taking its place. "Lord, what do you mean? I left all my family and friends behind for five years. Even now I am working a lot alone. Don't You think that I had enough of it? Don't You think it is time you give me someone to work with? You asked me several times to give up my plans to meet my ARME family and I did it. You asked me again to give up my plans to go to ARME UK and I did it. Don't You think that it will be better for me to have a support group? You said that two are better than one. And You sent the disciples two by two. You are asking me again to leave everything behind. Why? You know very well that I don't like working alone. "

I went on reasoning with God and telling Him all my frustration. He just listened. When I was done, He just asked me:

"Have I ever failed you?"
"No. You have not."

He did not have to say anything else. It was enough to remember the pace and happiness that flooded my soul when I chose to obey. And it was enough to remember His promises: "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28) "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11)

I am in His hands and He will never harm me. He will never allow anything that is not for my best. It is all I needed to remember. Peace flooded my soul again.

Than I went on reading the rest of the promise: "...shall receive a hundredfold, and inherit eternal life." (Matthew 19:29) How have I missed that?

I know. I have failed again. I have proved again that I don't trust Him right away. But He lifted me up as He did countless times. He put again my feet on solid rock.

Thou none go with me, I will still follow...

He Knows My Fears

One of my biggest fears when I came to Bucharest was that I will not be able to find a church with a group of active young people. I hated the thought of going to church, sitting in a chair and listening to the sermon and than going back home, having no friends in church and doing nothing for the Lord. The perspective of not finding my place in the church scared me to death. Why was I so scared? Because I spent several summers in Bucharest in the past years and I have felt like a stranger. I simply found no joy in going to church. Sabbath School was boring and I hated to be a mere spectator.

While looking for an apartment, one of my friends told me about a girl who is also looking for an apartment and some girls to rent it with her. I didn’t know her, but we started talking on the phone and looking for an apartment to rent together. I didn’t know who she was and I simply do now know why I trusted her, but I know now that it was God who allowed my heart to trust.

Not only that we rented together an apartment, but also started to attend the same church. The first Sabbath I went with her to church, her youth group decided to have a rehearsal at noon. They were preparing to go to a country-side church and spend a whole Sabbath there to bring joy to the 30 members of that church.

I didn’t want to stay, but Christina insisted that I stay and sing with them. Though I didn’t know most of the young people, I felt at home. It so “happened” that they didn’t have anybody to play the piano for them, so I found something to do right away. And when I think that this was only my third Sabbath in Bucharest, I realize that the answer to my prayers came faster than I anticipated.

I am so thankful that the Lord showed me one more time that there is nothing I should be afraid of, because He cares about my needs... I am so happy I can gladly go to church and to youth meetings, having a Sabbath School lesson to look forward to, and knowing that I am going to meet friends, people who, like me, are seeking for the Lord. I am so happy that I can do something for the Lord with this youth group.

Yes, I realize that my faith was so small... I am so humbled by God’s love and care for me. He knew my need and had a solution prepared for me long before I was aware of it. What can I say, other than: Lord, I am in awe of You.