Monday, September 7, 2009

Letting It Go....

To let go... one of those painful character building experiences we never want to experience. But we all pass through here and we all have to let go certain things or people from our lives sooner or later. 

I asked myself why is the process of letting go so painful. And here is the answer I came up with. 


When we have something or somebody in our lives, things or people that we cherish, that are so important to us, they make us feel secure. They give us a reason of living and being, a reson to smile and laugh, to look forward to the future. We may feel that with them we can go through everything in life because we know God brought them there. Once they disappear, once God considers He has to take them back or allows Satan to take them, we lose the security, the identity, the reason to smile and look forward to the future. 


I have wondered over and over if it is wrong to find our security and identity in things or people. Is God asking us to find those things just in Him? Are we to go ahead in life without having something tangible that will give us a reason to live and laugh and enjoy life? Are we supposed not to get attached to things and people and to live an austere life? What's then the purpose of everything God sends us?


I see our identity, our reason of being and living, our sercurity like a tree. A tree with deep roots, with trunk and branches and leafs and flowers. I think that the root belongs to God. The root is the identity, security and reason of living that we find in Him and Him alone. And I also see the trunk and branches as the tangible things, the people He sends in our lives to give us an identity and security, a reason to live and enjoy life. Sometimes, God considers that the tree needs some adjustments, some more shaping. So He cuts a brench here and there. Sometimes the shaping process needs cuting the whole trunk. But if the root is well anchored in Him, if the tree finds the source of life in Him, then the root will feed the tree and a new trunk and new branches will grow again. Finding our identity and security in things or people is not wrong as long as we have our root in God. Because it is Him who gives us things and people, sometimes for a longer period of time, sometimes for just a while, so we may enjoy life, so we may have the power to smile and be glad.


I realised that a lot of times what brings the most pain is not losing the thing or the person in itself. Sometimes it is more painful to loose the security and the identity that came along with that thing or person. It's normal to get used in time to not having the presence of those things and people in our lives, but we certainly cannot get used to having the emptiness, the insecurity and the lack of identity that their disappearance brings.


Though it is hard to lose both things and people, I must admit that losing the latter is much harder. It takes a lot of courage and real love to be able to let them go. It takes real love for them and real love for God. Would we risk to ask God to give them back to us at any price, at the price of their happiness and their salvation? Have you ever prayed for somebody that God will not give them to you but do what is the best for them? As young people when we admire somebody, can we pray that God will give them the person that will make them happy, that will help them shape their character and be saved? Can we say "Your will be done" when it comes about being with someone we cherish? If we can, than we should know that this is true love. Yes, sometimes love means to be able to let him/her go because their happiness and salvation is more important to us than having them... Because true love is unselfish. We may understand or we may not understand why God brought them for just a period of time in our lives. But we should know that He surely had a purpose and we should be thankful if they helped us be better persons, if their presence brought a smile on our faces and made us feel secure.


So I thank God for teaching me to let go of things, to let go of people. And also for teaching me to be happy that I had them even for just a while. He surely knows what He is doing. And I'm sure it's for my best.


Some of you may think I'm talking from books. Let me tell you that I'm not.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Freedom

Have you ever found yourself wanting to be free from your desires? I'm not talking about bad and sinful desires. It's all about good and legitimate desires. I do find myself sometimes in that position. There are good things that I deeply cherish and I surely would like to have them. But sometimes, instead of asking them from the Lord, I'm just asking Him to take away the desire to have them. Maybe it's because sometimes I become their slave and I tend to live in the future and forget to enjoy what I already have... Maybe it's because I am afraid I will never have them. Or maybe it's because I've prayed for some of them for such a long time and I didn't find any answer... Don't get me wrong. I'm not tired of praying for them. It's just that I want to be free, to be able to always enjoy life just as it is. I've always been a dreamer and I always liked to live in the future. Thank God He started to teach some time ago me to live and enjoy the present (it all happened while working in the jungle). So I'm still learning to live with my desires in the present... I guess that when I learned that lesson I can say I am trully free. Will I ever learn it?

It seems we finally have a date for our departure for the African land. October 4 is the day when we are supposed to take off for the Kalahari Desert. Though there is dissapointment in my heart because I was hoping we would leave earlier, I am also at peace because I know this delay has a purpose and it is for my best. I miss working for those helpless people. I find myself more and more not finding my place here... Home is one of those words I can't really say I know the meaning. It's good to be with my family but I long to be there where I find a reason for my existence, where what I do gives me a sens and a reason of being and living. So, right now I am learning to live with the desire of being there and enjoy the life I have right now.