Depraved Indiference

"God is looking for more than the money of the saints. He is looking for the entirety of their lives to be spent for the weak." Eric Ludy

Come to the Quiet!

This is the invitation God addressed me a few weeks ago. I came home pretty disappointed at others and myself and with no vision of where I am heading. My Namibian experience was a meaningful one in many ways and I really enjoyed it except for one aspect: the spiritual side. My fellow missionary colleagues and I have different moral values and, consequently, I felt alone many times and at times I have to admit that I set for less than God’s best for me and that I struggled a lot with taking time for the Lord. When you wake up at 5:30 and stay in the kitchen the whole day cooking for 50-70 people, and then go back to your tent around 8:30 – 9 o’clock, believe me, it is hard to find time to read your Bible and to pray. And this schedule went on like this for a few good months. Don’t get me wrong! I really enjoyed cooking (cooking is one of my hobbies) even though I went there to start a school and not to do a cooking career. Needless to say, I came home exhausted and longing for my quiet time with my God. And, thank God I can have it and fully enjoy it! It feels so good to be able to re-consecrate myself to God and to spend quality time with Him.

For quite some time I have had this strong impression that I am starting a new chapter in my life, that God is calling me to serve, but in a different way than what I have done until now. I told a couple of friends about it. “So, what is that?” they asked me. I don’t know! I really have no idea. I just have this strong impression in my heart that God is opening a new way for me. There is nothing visible, tangible to show me that it is Him speaking but I know, deep down in my heart, that it is Him speaking to my heart. And I know it because I know my Lord, and because this is not the first time He is telling me that He is calling me to something new. Five and a half years ago, when I was working as a secretary for an SDA school, one morning, during my morning devotion I read from Isaiah. While reading, Isaiah 43:18,19 jumped out to me. I didn’t know what it meant. I just knew it is for me for that day. Later in the day I got an email telling me that, due to lack of funds, my position is dissolved. So, that meant that I was losing my job. I got panicked but as I remembered the verses, pace came over my soul. A peace that nothing and nobody can take.

So, I don’t know His plans for me. I don’t know what is He calling me to. But I know that He is calling me to service.

I was asking God one evening why do I have to spend some time at home and what are the things He is calling me to while being here. And while I was waiting in the silence, it suddenly struck me! And I could hear so clearly His soft voice. Yep, it’s time for some character shaping experiences, time to learn some very important lessons (can’t name them all because it is something personal), time to rejoice with my family, to mend broken relationships (they do not seem broken on the surface at all), to learn to accept people who are so different from me, people I find difficult to accept, time to grow especially in the area of relationships and to help others grow. So, yes, I know why do I have to stay at home for a while. And it is so good to know what is He calling me to for now. I think that it is for the first time in 6 years when I am at peace with staying at home and not knowing what is next on His agenda. (For those who do not really know me, I am a pretty active person and I like to always have something to do. Life at home can be a little boring at times :D)

I know He is preparing me for something big. Not big in people’s eyes, but big in His eyes. He has called me to the quiet for now. I have been called to re-consecration and re-dedication of my life. And this is one of the most meaningful experiences of my life.

Manliness, Part 2

Eric and Leslie Ludy, two of my favorites authors and speakers, speak about manliness and femininity, waiting on God and honoring your future spouse. They might seem extreme or maybe over-spiritualizing things for some people. Not for me!

For more of their talks and books, you can go to http://setapartgirl.com/ or http://ellerslie.com/

Never Settle for Less than God's Best

We all have the tendency to succumb to pressure. Be it peer pressure, or the pressure of our own sinful desires, or social pressure. This is the human nature. It is often under pressure that we settle for less than God's best for us. It is so easy to decide to pursue God's very best when reading a book about surrender. Or when spending time with Him in the morning. But when the rubber meets the road, when we are faced with temptations, things are not the same.

It is easy to hold on to the ideal when surrounded by people who encourage you to do so and who strive to do so themselves. But what about when people around you live their lives as if they are their own? As if there is no such thing as God's best for them? They are content with a ordinary mediocre life. And for them this is "the best". Some of them might be godless, but others might be Christians. They might profess that they love God and serve Him. It is around such people that you are challenged the most.

It is so easy to be content with less around the latter group because God's very best for you may be equal to narrow mindedness, or stupidness, or silliness, or living from books to them. One is simply outdated around such people. So, settling for less seems the perfect solution. It's hard to be odd, to be outdated, to be just different. Mixing in the crowd is so much easier.

A lot of times the times we don't even realize we are settling for less because we don't do it purposely. It just comes naturally from the desire to be like the rest of the group. Just think a little, who likes to be odd? Who likes not to be able to laugh about certain jokes when everybody else is laughing? Who likes to to be laughed at because he reads his Bible? Who prefers to spend the evening alone when everybody else is watching a movie (I am not talking about good educational movies)?

While thinking about the times when I did settle for less, I asked myself a question: Isn't pursuing God's best for me just an excuse for being a difficult person? Or for being picky? (I'm alluding here mainly to relationships.) 

I've been accused of being too righteous and picky in different occasions. It seems that what is pursuing God's best for me, for some people is just my caprice. Am I being picky and too righteous? Are they right? For instance, let's look at the area of relationships. Am I using the excuse of waiting on God's timing and God's best just to cover for my caprice? Just think a little: in my late 20s, haven't been in a relationship for more than 9 years and I have been just in one relationship all my life, I have traveled the world in the past 7 years so I had a lot of opportunities to meet guys (so they say).

I did some soul searching as I do from time to time. I asked Him what He thinks about this. What He thinks about me being different, about me being single? And you know what He told me? He told me to follow Him. And he also told me to wait on Him. He was also different. 

"I will never ever make another decision on my own." This is what I promised Him 9 years ago. And I am still sticking to that promise. I know that I am following Him. I know that  I am waiting on Him. I also know that my life is in His hands. I believe that I am seeking His Kingdom and His righteousness and He will take care of all my needs. Yes, I am an old fashioned girl who trusts her Father and I am proud of it! I believe that my Father is looking after me so I don't have to worry.

Settling for less than His best...

I was tempted to do it so many times... just because I was so tired to be different, to be odd. But God nudged me and reminded me that I should allow Him to be in charge. I might be odd, I might be old fashioned, but I do not care! He was odd, too!

So, thank God that every time I tend to drift away and be content with less than His best for me, He is right there sending me signals that I am going in the wrong direction. And He patiently waits for me to get the message and come back on the track to pursue His best for me. 

Note to self: Don't you ever settle for less than God's very best for you, Raluca!

Crossroad...

I'm back home... In fact, I'd better say, I'm back from Africa because I'm not sure where is home. Right now I am visiting my parents in Istanbul and I will be soon heading to Romania since I miss so much my sweet nephew and niece.

What is next... is a mystery. It would be very weird to know where I am heading. :) Don't get me wrong. I would liked to know what the future holds for me and where is my next destination, but It has not been revealed to me. I'm praying and waiting and trusting that I am going to know at the right time. For now I know a few things:

- that I have to write my thesis in order to finish my Master Degree and it is going to take 3-4 months of hard and intense work,
- that I want to continue to do mission work even though I do not know what form it will take,
- that I am not going back to the same project in Namibia,
- that I am at peace with the unknown for now and with the idea of staying and working on my thesis for a few months.

I've been a volunteer for the past five years and I have enjoyed what I have done 100%. But lately I have been thinking a lot about having a job, a paid job. It hasn't been easy to depend 100% on donations even though I cannot complain. I have had everything I needed and even more. God has been faithful all these years but I keep wondering if I should do something that will help me be on my own. Is it because my age? Is it because of the discussion I had with some of my friends? Is it because of my lack of faith? There are questions with no answer for now. I know just one thing, paid or not, volunteer or employee, I will still continue to do mission work. Where? I don't know. How? It is another unknown.



I fell in love with Africa and South America. At lease, with what I have seen in the 2 countries I have visited in Africa and 2 in South America. I fell in love with a simple life, with the jungle life. The thought of having to stop going to work in these poor countries, scares me. But my life is in His hands and

“I’ll go where You want me to go, dear Lord,


O’er mountain, or plain, or sea;


I’ll say what You want me to say, dear Lord,


I’ll be what You want me to be.”

Somewhere, deep down in my heart, I hope to be able to go back to the African or South American continent. It remains to be seen.

I don't know about tomorrow,

I just live from day to day.

I don't borrow from it's sunshine,

For it's skies may turn to gray.

I don't worry o'er the future,

For I know what Jesus said,

And today I'll walk beside Him,

For He knows what is ahead.

Refrain

Many things about tomorrow,

I don't seem to understand;

But I know Who holds tomorrow,

And I know Who holds my hand.

Manliness

This past 10 months that I spent in the Kalahari Desert made me think a lot about manliness. Being one of the few girls in the camp and being surrounded mostly by men was something new for me. It's because of who these men are that I got to do a lot of thinking about manliness and femininity. It's because of what they said and how they behaved that I analyzed the values (concerning manliness and femininity) I was raised up with over and over again and I got to build my own system of values. And it is because of them that I know better now what I like and what I don't like, what I want and I don't want in a man. (By the way, I sensed that God is bringing me over and over again to the point where people's values and behavior challenge me to think and build my own system of values where I once just adopted my family's values. Not that I didn't know what I believed in before, but when I am challenged by a different set of values, I get to think over and over about my system of values and why I believe what I believe and even if it's not comfortable sometimes, it's really beneficial for me.)

I grew up in a family where vulgare jokes were not tolerated. Where flirting, playing with hearts, using double sense language were classified as non-Christian behaviour. I was raised up being taught that character matters the most, more than the way you look. Where talking about how good looking the girls are and talking only about that was not considered a good habit and showed something about a guy's character. I was surrounded by people who valued purity. My innocence was not taken as stupidness, nor my purity and determination to trust the Lord in the area of dating as a relationship problem.

The encounter for an extended period of time with some other set of values opposite to mine was a little shocking to me. Not that I have not met people doing the above mentioned things, because I had. And still I was shocked. I was shocked because I didn't expected it, not in that place, nor among those people. I found myself torn between the desire not to be different, to be able to be part of their jokes and conversations, and the holding on to the values I had. Sometimes, while listening to the endless talks about that girl and the other one they have seen on the street, I felt just like an object.

And you know what is weird? They almost made me believe that this is the world of men and I have to accept it. That they are all the same and I have to accept that I am weird. That I have to accept to feel like an object. That I have to laugh when they are saying vulgare jokes. That words with double meaning are something normal. That I have to get used to them turning their head on the street after some good looking girl and flirting around with strangers. That playing around with no intention of being intentional in a relationship is normal. They almost made me believe that one cannot find anymore men who stand for what they believe because the majority of them didn't really know what they believed in. They managed to shake my whole world... until I listened to a presentation that woke me up and made me realize that there are still upright people. Men who don't use dirty jokes, who do not turn their head on the street. Who do not flirt and play around with hearts. Who know what they believe and stand for what they believe. Men who are gentleman and make me feel a woman and not an object around them. Men who love Him and make Him the object of their conversations and not the good-looking girls.

The time I spent in Kalahari made me miss so much the company of dedicated people. People for whom God is not only a nice notion and Somebody you go to just when you are in trouble or in need. People who are interested in mission and not only adventures. People who want to obey Him because they love Him. People who know what they believe and stand for what they believe. People who are asking themselves: "What does God want me to do?" and who long to grow and learn more of His ways. People who live what they say they believe. People who will not laugh at me because I took my Bible with me on a 4 days trip and who will not call me Virgin Mary because of my innocence.

So, I thank God for sending me these challenges. They make me think... and decide for myself. And they make me appreciate even more integrity and faithfulness and purity.

More Pictures of Namibia

Here are the links for some more pictures of Namibia.

More of Namibia

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=49871&id=1176913306&l=8dc4dfd266

A trip to Swakopmund

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=49870&id=1176913306&l=e583efd771

God Protects!!!

Living in Omatako helps me realize more and more that without God’s protection we would be in great trouble. Just a few days ago, while I was hanging my cloths on the line somewhere next to my tent, I heard a local worker calling another one. Somebody asked what happened and I heard the word the no one wants to hear here: a snake. They looked for 3-4 minutes for the snake but since the grass was too tall and they couldn’t see anything, they decided it is not worth looking for it anymore. My first thought was to call Mario (who is well known here for his ability to catch snakes) to look for it since it was so close to my tent, but I just cast away the thought. Upon finishing my job, I headed toward the bathroom to take back the bucket when on my way I met Mario. “How are you doing? Are you OK?” he asked me. I really do not know why he asked because it was not the first time we met that day. So, as an answer to my question, I told him about the snake and that the workers were not looking for it anymore. I hardly finished what I had to say that Mario was on his way to the place that I showed him. Three other people joined him. They started looking in some pipes that was stored there. The very first pipe that they took and shook proved to have inside the so wanted pray. (Later on Mario said he took another pipe in his hand but something told him to check first another one.) It proved to be a black mamba, the biggest they have ever caught in the camp. People around say that its bite is deadly. You don’t even have time to go to a doctor. In the last 3-4 weeks we have caught a few spitting cobras and black mambas (a black mamba was caught on a shelf in the kitchen). No, you tell me that God doesn’t care and that He is not interested in our safety! I see it clearer than ever that He does. And that gives me pace.