He Knows My Fears

One of my biggest fears when I came to Bucharest was that I will not be able to find a church with a group of active young people. I hated the thought of going to church, sitting in a chair and listening to the sermon and than going back home, having no friends in church and doing nothing for the Lord. The perspective of not finding my place in the church scared me to death. Why was I so scared? Because I spent several summers in Bucharest in the past years and I have felt like a stranger. I simply found no joy in going to church. Sabbath School was boring and I hated to be a mere spectator.

While looking for an apartment, one of my friends told me about a girl who is also looking for an apartment and some girls to rent it with her. I didn’t know her, but we started talking on the phone and looking for an apartment to rent together. I didn’t know who she was and I simply do now know why I trusted her, but I know now that it was God who allowed my heart to trust.

Not only that we rented together an apartment, but also started to attend the same church. The first Sabbath I went with her to church, her youth group decided to have a rehearsal at noon. They were preparing to go to a country-side church and spend a whole Sabbath there to bring joy to the 30 members of that church.

I didn’t want to stay, but Christina insisted that I stay and sing with them. Though I didn’t know most of the young people, I felt at home. It so “happened” that they didn’t have anybody to play the piano for them, so I found something to do right away. And when I think that this was only my third Sabbath in Bucharest, I realize that the answer to my prayers came faster than I anticipated.

I am so thankful that the Lord showed me one more time that there is nothing I should be afraid of, because He cares about my needs... I am so happy I can gladly go to church and to youth meetings, having a Sabbath School lesson to look forward to, and knowing that I am going to meet friends, people who, like me, are seeking for the Lord. I am so happy that I can do something for the Lord with this youth group.

Yes, I realize that my faith was so small... I am so humbled by God’s love and care for me. He knew my need and had a solution prepared for me long before I was aware of it. What can I say, other than: Lord, I am in awe of You.

A Time for Everything

“There is a time or everything, and a season for every activity under heaven...” said the wisest man on earth under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. And I have come to realize more and more how true he was. It seems that the time has finally come for me for some major changes. I knew that they would take place so I kept asking myself if I am ready. And every time I would get to the conclusion that I do not know because one does not know if he is ready or not until he is faced with the real facts. That is why I waited for the facts in order to see my reactions and my adjustment skills. I have also asked myself what are the things that I would enjoy doing here, back in Romania. That is another impossible question. I really didn't not know what I would enjoy doing... my life for the past 5 years has been so different... I have found so much fulfillment in what I have done that I really did not know what else I could enjoy doing. But God had the answers for me, and I knew that He would take upon Himself to answer these questions.

I was in the library last week working on the thesis, when my phone called. It was my dad. He said that he met the Romanian Hope Channel director and he asked about me, where I am presently? what I am doing? A few hours later he met again my father and asked him: “Can you, please, tell Raluca to come to see me on Monday?”

So I made my way to the Hope Channel headquarters on Monday. The meeting was brief and target-directed. There was an opening for a translator job. “Do you want it or not?” was his the question. I was not enthusiastic at all... but I said yes. I was given a test: an one-hour sermon to translate into Romanian language. I did it the very next day. By 6 PM, my translation was on its way to the director's email address. At 7:30 PM of the same evening I was asked if I could be in my office the next morning. Huh... kind of fast... I didn't expect it so fast.

Am I ready for the change? Am I going to enjoy sitting in front of a computer and doing translation work? The same two impossible questions... I knew that time has come for me to find an answer to these questions. Am I ready to find out the answer? Ready or not, I was going to find it soon and continue to find it as the time goes by.

So, here I am, from the life of a free jungle and desert bird to the confinement of an office... Listening and translating sermons into Romanian language is not bad at all... So far I really like what I am doing. I've been so blessed by the message of the sermons on Revival and Reformation that I have translated so far. So, little by little, I finally have some of the answers to my two questions. How long I will be doing this? Where should I go to worship on Sabbaths? Where can I find some people I can really connect with? You see, more questions are rising that I don't have the answers for. But I know that He already has them for me!

So, tell me that God doesn't have the big picture and that He does not want us to be able to enjoy life! I know that He does because He showed it to me one more time!

Letting It Go....

To let go... one of those painful character building experiences we never want to experience. But we all pass through here and we all have to let go certain things or people from our lives sooner or later. 

I asked myself why is the process of letting go so painful. And here is the answer I came up with. 

When we have something or somebody in our lives, things or people that we cherish, that are so important to us, they make us feel secure. They give us a reason of living and being, a reson to smile and laugh, to look forward to the future. We may feel that with them we can go through everything in life because we know God brought them there. Once they disappear, once God considers He has to take them back or allows Satan to take them, we lose the security, the identity, the reason to smile and look forward to the future. 

I have wondered over and over if it is wrong to find our security and identity in things or people. Is God asking us to find those things just in Him? Are we to go ahead in life without having something tangible that will give us a reason to live and laugh and enjoy life? Are we supposed not to get attached to things and people and to live an austere life? What's then the purpose of everything God sends us?

I see our identity, our reason of being and living, our sercurity like a tree. A tree with deep roots, with trunk and branches and leafs and flowers. I think that the root belongs to God. The root is the identity, security and reason of living that we find in Him and Him alone. And I also see the trunk and branches as the tangible things, the people He sends in our lives to give us an identity and security, a reason to live and enjoy life. Sometimes, God considers that the tree needs some adjustments, some more shaping. So He cuts a brench here and there. Sometimes the shaping process needs cuting the whole trunk. But if the root is well anchored in Him, if the tree finds the source of life in Him, then the root will feed the tree and a new trunk and new branches will grow again. Finding our identity and security in things or people is not wrong as long as we have our root in God. Because it is Him who gives us things and people, sometimes for a longer period of time, sometimes for just a while, so we may enjoy life, so we may have the power to smile and be glad.

I realised that a lot of times what brings the most pain is not losing the thing or the person in itself. Sometimes it is more painful to loose the security and the identity that came along with that thing or person. It's normal to get used in time to not having the presence of those things and people in our lives, but we certainly cannot get used to having the emptiness, the insecurity and the lack of identity that their disappearance brings.

Though it is hard to lose both things and people, I must admit that losing the latter is much harder. It takes a lot of courage and real love to be able to let them go. It takes real love for them and real love for God. Would we risk to ask God to give them back to us at any price, at the price of their happiness and their salvation? Have you ever prayed for somebody that God will not give them to you but do what is the best for them? As young people when we admire somebody, can we pray that God will give them the person that will make them happy, that will help them shape their character and be saved? Can we say "Your will be done" when it comes about being with someone we cherish? If we can, than we should know that this is true love. Yes, sometimes love means to be able to let him/her go because their happiness and salvation is more important to us than having them... Because true love is unselfish. We may understand or we may not understand why God brought them for just a period of time in our lives. But we should know that He surely had a purpose and we should be thankful if they helped us be better persons, if their presence brought a smile on our faces and made us feel secure.

So I thank God for teaching me to let go of things, to let go of people. And also for teaching me to be happy that I had them even for just a while. He surely knows what He is doing. And I'm sure it's for my best.

Some of you may think I'm talking from books. Let me tell you that I'm not.

It's Official... I'm Leaving on the 9th of February!!!

I just cannot believe it... Just 6 days ago I was not sure as to where I will be heading and what I will be doing. Today not only that I have an answer, but I also have the plane tickets and less than two weeks to get ready for a long, long journey. I'm speechless and overwhelmed. God is so good...

So, as I already posted, on Thursday I decided to go to Vanuatu Islands. That was all I knew. I didn't have the money for my ticket and other expenses, I didn't know exactly where I will be working, if I will be working alone or with someone else, if I will be traveling alone or with somebody else.

Just yesterday I found out that somebody else is leaving for Vanuatu on the 9th of February. That meant in two weeks. So just two weeks to get ready and 2-3 days to buy the ticket with the money that I didn't have... It seemed pretty impossible but I prayed and waited for a miracle knowing that God made so many miracles in my life and he took care of every detail and every need in the past. I didn't know how God will make it possible or if He will help me get it so fast to travel on the 9th but I kept praying. Yesterday Sebastian wrote me and asked me if I want to work alone or join some of the missionaries who are already on 3 islands. I told him that I prefer team work but I am ready to go wherever he needs me. So I let him choose for me because he knows the needs.

I woke up this morning knowing that I need to buy the ticket today even though I didn't have the money. And I did!!! Yes, I did buy it! I had to borrow some money for a while but I did buy it. Today I also found out I will be spending 2 days in New Zealand. Mario, the other missionary I am traveling with, wants to see Auckland so I will be staying, too. I am sure we will have fun. It will be a very, very long journey and I am so happy I am going to have somebody to travel with. We will be leaving from Bucharest, stopping in London and also in Dubai before we reach Auckland, New Zealand.

So, here I am, having just 13 more days to get ready... I am so happy and excited more than words can describe it. I am happy that I have a Father who loves me and takes care of all my needs and surpasses all my expectations. I feel so privileged... I feel unworthy of such a love. I know that He doesn't love me because I deserve it but because He is my Father and He is LOVE.

I Have Finally Decided...

I almost cannot believe it! It's still like a dream. After pondering and praying for direction, after wondering where God wants me and where will He take me next, after trying to understand what decision I should make, after months and months of waiting and praying and hoping, here I am, having already made that BIG decision. I cannot believe the turn things took in my life. I was determined I will be going to Guyana and that God wants me there as you already know. But things got pretty rough with my visa. I just kept having obstacles in my way. Last time I called they said they didn't have my invitation there even if it was sent almost 3 weeks ago. Interesting enough, God had started to work on my heart impressing me that He might want me in Vanuatu for a few days before I found out they hadn't processed my visa. I asked the Lord to grant me that visa He wants me there and He just kept putting obstacles in my way. So, on Thursday when I found out they still hadn't worked on my visa I decided to make the decision I have never thought I would make: go to Vanuatu.

I wrote Sebastian who was waiting for me to make a decision and I told him what I have decided. He is very happy to send me there. So, the Lord solved the problem with my choice. He showed me the direction and the way I have to follow. Now, He has to provide for my needs. I do not have the money I need to travel and to live there, but I know He will provide. Every year I am faced with the same challenge when I have to leave and so far He has been faithful in providing for my needs. I just pray that He will do it fast because I am tired of the civilization and I miss so much the quiet and simple jungle life, I miss cooking over an open fire, sleeping in a hut, enjoying the tropical scenery, talking to people and find out things about their culture... He makes everything in His time so I'm waiting.... hoping that I will be soon on the way to the jungles of Vanuatu - my next earthly home for a while. Believe me, I am pretty excited about going there. I am also nervous since I am not going to an established mission like I went to in Guyana. I am going there and I will have to use all the talents that the Lord gave me to draw close to those people and befriend them, to make them my friends and make myself useful. What is really making me nervous is that most probably I will be there ALONE (Sebastian was in a hurry and didn't write too much but he said he will write again soon to give more details, but so far he sent some other missionaries by themselves), alone on an island, without any electricity and internet - I might have signal for my phone but if there is no electricity to charge it, I won't be able to use it for a long time. So, even though I am nervous, I can hardly wait to go and see what life will be like and how God will work in my life there.

So, here I am waiting for God to provide and hoping to be able to leave soon for my new home - because HOME is for me where God wants me to be.:)

The Dawn Is Breaking

"We have nothing to fear for the future, except as we shall forget the way the Lord has led us, and His teaching in our past history."

As I am still waiting, I realise more and more how important it is to remember how the Lord worked in my life in the past. In fact, I've focused on several things lately: one is to discover why the Lord is keeping me still in Romania, another is those weakness, black spots on my character that I need to get rid of, and that the Lords wants to reveal to me in this process of waiting. Then I tried to remember how He led me in the past. In fact, I've been blessed with friends who reminded me of the wonderful ways God led me so far.

As I've been meditating on all these things, I've made amazing discoveries... I've spotted again things that are keeping me away from Him, Satan's nails in my life. I have also found some of the reasons God is still keeping me here. Though it is hard to wait, I cannot but exclaim: marvelous are Your works, Lord.

It's been three years since the Lord started an intense course with me. Three years of shaping and molding like never before. I discovered that the jungle can be a perfect classroom for such a course. There are so many things I have learnt in these three years. One of most recent things He's been teaching me is to accept my faults and ask for power to overcome them. It is not easy to accept your mistakes and weaknesses in front of other people and to thank other people for pointing your faults out. But as the Lord has worked hard on this aspect, I finally had to say: OK, Lord, I agree. Your way is the best. It is so wonderful to see how the Lord is using situations and people to help us be who is wants us to be.

Three years ago, when the Lord called me to teach at Davis Indian Industrial College, I was somehow reluctant. I have never thought I will be a teacher because I never wanted to be a teacher. I have always thought I am not good for teaching thought I have never taught. But I had to to what the Lord asked me to, and I fell in love with teaching.

Last week, if you asked me what do I think about bible working, I would have told you that is an amazing way to spread the Gospel, but it is not for me. Today, when I received a call to bible work somewhere in Guyana, I realised that I have never done it, so I cannot know if it is for me or not. I'm still praying for guidance, and my heart is warming up at the thought of going back to my beloved Guyana. Maybe the Lord is calling me again to something I have never done, to show me I am good at it and that I love to do it. So, it I think that the night is almost over and something great is ahead of me. No matter what it is, it will be great because this is the Lord's doing.