Back Home, For a While...

Life is full of surprises sometimes and God allows all kind of situations in our lives... As you know, I left for Cluj a week ago, then Budapest where I was supposed to take the plane for Namibia. On Tuesday we were told our visas are approved but not issued and that we should go ahead and go to Budapest because they will be issued. And so we did. We left Tuesday night and reached Budapest Wednesday morning. We waited in the airport continually checking our email and hoping that the visas will be there... The check in time came and we didn't have our visas. So we had to come back home. :D Not only that our visas were not issued but they were refused. The authorities asked for some more certificates from Pilgim Relief Society. Thank God we could change the plane ticket and postpone our departure for October 20. There are 4 of us in this situation.

So, here we are, still waiting and hoping that God will perform a miracle for us. Even though I do not want to ask God why, the question is there. Is God allowing this just to teach me some lessons and to teach me to trust Him or is He showing me that He wants me somewhere else? Or is this Satan trying to discourage me? I know for sure God allowed this with a purpose, but I can't see it right now so I keep asking myself why. Hope I will find some answers soon since the silence and darkness are becoming heavier with each passing day.

Crossroad again...

On Thursday I have received one of the most unexpected news: my Guyanese visa has been denied. So I am once again back to the starting point, back to where I was some time ago. Is this God trying to tell me He has something else for me, that He wants me somewhere else? Is it that He wants to see how determined I am to go there? Do I have to try again to get my visa? What is it that the Lord wants from me? I have been trying to find and answer to this last question for quite some time and I still have no definite answer. Still in darkness... still waiting... still hoping that the night will be soon over.

Learning to Wait

It's been only a couple a weeks ago that I was so sure on what I am going to do. Only just a couple of weeks ago I was full of hope and joy, having found the answer to the questions: what's next? where can I serv You at my best? At least this is what I have thought then. And it took just a few days to be surrounded by fog again and to go back to the starting point, back to the land of unanswered questions (this is not because I don't have any options right now or that I do not know what I want to do but it's because of some other reasons). So, I'm back to waiting. I keep asking myself why, keep trying to find out if there is anything I need to give up to, something else that I need to learn.

I have never thought I won't be able to adapt back to my culture and to what once I used to like. I found myself longing every day for the simple jungle life, longing to live in the middle of the nature and to forget all about this complicated civilized life. Is it wrong what I want? No, I don't think so. Is it that God wants something else for me? I wish I can answer with all my power YES (because I know for sure this is what I want) but the situation I am in right now makes me more cautious about my answer. So, I prefer not to asnwer this question and to limit God. I know this is what God wants for all of us, to be able to live close to Him and to His nature, and I know this is what I want to.

Waiting on God... I listened to day to a sermon with this title and it made so much sens to me. But when it comes to applying this to my own life, it seems to hard. I've been waiting for the past 3-4 months and it seems I got tired of waiting. Sometimes I'm asking myself: where is the girl who has been telling to everybody for the past 3 years that God has a plan with everyone's life and there is no greater joy than to know you are where God wants you to be and you are doing what He wants you to do? Apparently, taking care of my grandpa and working of getting a long term visa for a former student of mine, that's what God had me do for the past 3 months. It's not what I wanted to, I have to admit, but I tried to enjoy even though I caught myself complainning at times (shame on me!!!).

Waiting, waiting, waiting... that's in a nut shell what I am up to. I have no doubts that God has a plan with my life and that sooner or later He will reveal it me. Waiting peacefully and joyfully... this is my challange. I've got to a conclusion not long again. I realise that I want to learn to wait in pace more than I want to understand God's plan for me. Yeah, my deceitful heart wants desperatly to find out the answer to the question: What's next? Where should I go to serve? more than to learn to wait (and I know that this desire is not bad). But my brain understand the necessity of learning to wait on Him. So, I guess I am learing to wait right now despite my unwillingness to accept taking this difficult lesson... I'm not a very good student but God hasn't given up on me.

So, I am learning the difficult lesson of waiting. Hopefully I will learn it and God won't have to bring me again to a similar situation.

At the Crossroad

I've been at a crossroad for some time, more than I thought I would be. It seems that the Lord is still making me wait. I cannot fully understand why, but I know I have to trust Him. Sometimes the path is full of sunshine because I chose to trust, othertimes is dark and gloomy because I am tired of waiting. What helps tremendously in this night season is to know that this is His path. I've been learning patience a lot lately and I am happy to learn it.

I came home last June determined to make a change, to find a new place to serve the Lord. It took only two months to realise I want to go back to Guyana. Some people cannot understand my love for Guyana and this make things pretty difficult for me at times. How can they when they have't experienced what I had? For the past months I've been thinking a lot and praying a lot that I will be able to go back. Yesterday I went to see my dear friend, Ana, leaving for Guyana. I couldn't hold back the tears coming from my broken heart.

Though it is hard to wait on the Lord, this is the only way. I'm hoping to be able to go back to the mission field soon. Where will this be??? I really don't know. I hope the Lord will take me back to Guyana but if He won't, He knows why.

So, here I am, waiting, because I know that my Redeemer lives.