This is the invitation God addressed me a few weeks ago. I came home pretty disappointed at others and myself and with no vision of where I am heading. My Namibian experience was a meaningful one in many ways and I really enjoyed it except for one aspect: the spiritual side. My fellow missionary colleagues and I have different moral values and, consequently, I felt alone many times and at times I have to admit that I set for less than God’s best for me and that I struggled a lot with taking time for the Lord. When you wake up at 5:30 and stay in the kitchen the whole day cooking for 50-70 people, and then go back to your tent around 8:30 – 9 o’clock, believe me, it is hard to find time to read your Bible and to pray. And this schedule went on like this for a few good months. Don’t get me wrong! I really enjoyed cooking (cooking is one of my hobbies) even though I went there to start a school and not to do a cooking career. Needless to say, I came home exhausted and longing for my quiet time with my God. And, thank God I can have it and fully enjoy it! It feels so good to be able to re-consecrate myself to God and to spend quality time with Him.
For quite some time I have had this strong impression that I am starting a new chapter in my life, that God is calling me to serve, but in a different way than what I have done until now. I told a couple of friends about it. “So, what is that?” they asked me. I don’t know! I really have no idea. I just have this strong impression in my heart that God is opening a new way for me. There is nothing visible, tangible to show me that it is Him speaking but I know, deep down in my heart, that it is Him speaking to my heart. And I know it because I know my Lord, and because this is not the first time He is telling me that He is calling me to something new. Five and a half years ago, when I was working as a secretary for an SDA school, one morning, during my morning devotion I read from Isaiah. While reading, Isaiah 43:18,19 jumped out to me. I didn’t know what it meant. I just knew it is for me for that day. Later in the day I got an email telling me that, due to lack of funds, my position is dissolved. So, that meant that I was losing my job. I got panicked but as I remembered the verses, pace came over my soul. A peace that nothing and nobody can take.
So, I don’t know His plans for me. I don’t know what is He calling me to. But I know that He is calling me to service.
I was asking God one evening why do I have to spend some time at home and what are the things He is calling me to while being here. And while I was waiting in the silence, it suddenly struck me! And I could hear so clearly His soft voice. Yep, it’s time for some character shaping experiences, time to learn some very important lessons (can’t name them all because it is something personal), time to rejoice with my family, to mend broken relationships (they do not seem broken on the surface at all), to learn to accept people who are so different from me, people I find difficult to accept, time to grow especially in the area of relationships and to help others grow. So, yes, I know why do I have to stay at home for a while. And it is so good to know what is He calling me to for now. I think that it is for the first time in 6 years when I am at peace with staying at home and not knowing what is next on His agenda. (For those who do not really know me, I am a pretty active person and I like to always have something to do. Life at home can be a little boring at times :D)
I know He is preparing me for something big. Not big in people’s eyes, but big in His eyes. He has called me to the quiet for now. I have been called to re-consecration and re-dedication of my life. And this is one of the most meaningful experiences of my life.
