Thursday, February 16, 2012

Answered and Unanswered Questions



"So, are you in a relationship? Have you met someone?" I have been asked this question countless times. "You've got to do something. You have to start searching for a husband", I am told when I tell them that I do not have a boyfriend. I smile. There was a time when I tried to help them understand my point of view, but now I don't even bother. They don't understand. Some of them can't. Some of them don't want to. Some won't even listen. 

Those who have not seen me for a long time go on asking: "So, what are you doing? What are you up to?" I tell them that I am a translator for Hope Channel and that I am also working and traveling for ARME Ministries, leading united prayer and presenting workshops on prayer and united prayer.


"Oh, I see" some would say, glad that the mystery is now solved. Those who are more daring would even venture to say: "Than, how do you want to get married if you travel so much? Who would take you? You have to settle down if you want to get married one day." I smile again. I have heard this over and over again for the past 7 years since my life has been different from the life of most of my friends and acquaintances. 


So, aren't they right? I have been a volunteer five years and I have lived isolated in the jungle and desert. And now, even though I kind of settled down and have a job, I keep traveling the world. Humanly speaking, they have all the reasons to be worried for me.


What people see is the a girl who is strong, a leader who gets involved in so many projects, who travels, who speaks, who seems to do just fine all by herself. And I can't blame them. This is what one can see at a glance. Little do they know how much time I spend in prayer in order to have the power to do all these things and how many times I have pleaded with the Lord to let me be under the stage, to let me support someone, to be the helper that He created me to be. Little do they know that this leader feels so much the need to be led, to be protected, to follow someone. 



So, why did I spend 5 years isolated in the mission field? Why do I travel now? Why do I take speaking engagements? Because He has called me to. Because I know and I have seen that the best thing for me to do is to do what He is asking me to and to follow Him wherever He leads. You see, this life is not about me, about what I can do and what I cannot do, what I want or don't want. It is about Him and glorifying Him through my life. 

Nine and a half years ago I promised God to follow Him wherever He leads and do whatever He asks me to. And I also promised Him to seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and trust that everything else will be added unto me. And this is what I am trying to do. I am very happy with what I am doing right now, but I am also looking forward to the day when I will be able to be the helper that He created me to be. 


"Well," you would say, "you are past the age most girls think they will be single. If God is in control, than why are you still single? If you are serving Him, why didn't He bring someone along until now? He knows you need someone and if you are doing His work He should be sensitive to your needs."


I can't claim that I have the answer to these questions. I know that I don't know a lot of things and I don't have a lot of answers. But there are a few things I know without a shadow of a doubt. Firstly, I know that missionary girls and girls who are traveling and doing God's work get married. So being in the mission field and traveling does not have anything to do with being single. I believe that He can drop someone out of the sky in the middle of the jungle for me. Secondly, I know that the best and only thing I should do right now is to make sure that I am following Him and that I allow Him to lead my life. Thirdly, I know that He is in control and that He wants what is best for me. That's all. And it is enough to help me live happily with unanswered questions. 


It does not mean that there are no days when I am confused, when I feel that He totally forgot about my singleness, when I feel lonely, when I wonder how much longer do I have to wait. There have been such days and I am sure there will be many more. But in the midst of all these, I have learned to be content. I have learned to enjoy my singleness and get the best of it. I have learned to love this season of my life. 

Does it mean that I gave up on love? Does it mean that I stopped hoping that I will one day get married? No, it doesn't. I have learned to love being single and not give up on love. I have decided not to allow my hopes and dreams for the future cast a shadow on my present. I have decided to learn to enjoy what I have, not to complain about what I don't. And it has been one of the best decisions I have made. 

If I am content, if I can rejoice and love my life just as it is now while hoping and waiting for the ONE, it is only because of Him. It is a gift of grace. My whole life and journey are a gift of grace. I know that He cares about my heart and my life even more than I do. This is a fact. It is what I know. And it is enough.


7 comments:

  1. :) Hi Raluca! I'm so happy I found out about your blog! You know, those who really know what's the true value of a commitment are the ones who think very carefully before engaging in one. I get those questions a lot. It's funny, because I don't recall any bible verse that claims that a woman needs to seek for her man. On the other hand, the Bible tells us that "He who finds himself a woman...". The thing is, most man these days have low standards, and are relutant and afraid to seek and find those strong women with such great leading roles as yourself. It's a great challenge, you can't really blame them! But here's the thing: This story that God is telling is not about you and me, it's about Him and His Glory. And once you've put yourself on the hands of God, one never knows what could happen. But You must be sure (and do not dare to doubt!) that it WILL be for the Glory of God, for the sake of His kingdom and for the welfare of your soul. And probably there's some guy out there, involved in some kind of ministry, in the need of a wife who doesn't mind traveling a lot :)

    Elisabete (GYC - Portugal)

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    1. Totally agree with you, Elisabete! I believe the very same things you do. :) If you check my blog you will find another blog post called Never Settle for Less Than God's Best (published in October 2010) that is related to what you wrote. God has been teaching me a lot and I am happy that He is in control! I know that as long as we are doing what He wants us to do, He will take care of the rest and do what is best for us and for our salvation. :) Hugs! :)

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    2. http://ancoradaalma.blogspot.com/2011/01/onde-estas-e-porque-nao-me-encontras.html this is a poem i've written on this same subject. you could try google translation to understand it but the sum is: if you are daring enough to give your life to God and to trust that he wil lead you on the right road, to the right companion, there's a big probability that somewhere along the line of this story there's another person asking the same request, making that same bold decision.

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  2. I agree with both …
    You know somewhat, perhaps odd, in some instances men also find themselves on such similar situations. Ok, I agree, it is easier for them for many reasons, but still it is not that simple. Each has his/her past story. For both God has a plan as written in Jeremiah 29:11.
    The question is: what is his (man’s) role in the middle of it? Should he be actively engaged in finding a spouse until he does? I believe that like her, he can go through his desert experience, and like her he needs to surrender his will and learn to trust the Lord completely.
    Normally we expect him to take the lead, to take the first step in finding someone, in showing interest… What if he knows that he cannot trust his own vision of a spouse because he still has to surrender is own view and perspective to God? What if he knows he really needs God’s help on choosing her because otherwise he might end up following his corrupted heart and desires? What if he may be scared at times?
    Do you realize that in the Genesis account God led Adam to perceive and feel his need for a helper, a life partner? Do you realize that He was the One creating Eve and bringing her to man? What does it means? Well whichever the answer may be, I believe that the Lord really needs to be in it.
    Oh, by the way, there are some guys that are looking for those special ladies of God that are leaders if necessary and that are ready to travel and to go wherever it takes. There are still some that are single because they are single-minded, because they also someway have high expectations. Their time has not come yet but they know that someone is out there for them, and they leave it to the Lord to get them together or not according to His good will. They know that it entails more than fulfilling one’s desires and needs, that it has eternal consequences, that it needs to be for the advancement of God’s cause, and that together they can better meet that goal (1+1=1 and 1+1>2).
    I pray that all of them (ladies and gents) may be blessed and strengthen by the lord. May we endure until the end and be willing to be what He wants us to be, where, how and when He wants us to be…
    nelson

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    1. Nelson, I believe that no one has a right to be in a relationship with someone else if he/she is not in a relationship with Jesus Christ. (Just listen to this wonderful sermon: https://www.audioverse.org/english/sermons/recordings/2808/im-already-in-a-relationship.html). And yes, the man is the one to lead in a relationship, He is the one who, after seeking God's will should pursue a lady. I believe that a gentleman needs to allow God to show him the right lady. He should not trust his vision, but He should trust God's vision for him. :) So, we are on the same page!!! :)

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  3. It is so nice to see that there are still "7000" out there that are trusting in the Lord for guidance in every aspect of their life. It is a test to stay still and wait for the Lord when we live in a society that expect things to happen instant... I do believe that God will make things beautiful in His time and that He is not withholding any good thing from those that walk uprightly ....so let us keep trusting and hoping ........

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