Wounded Healer

I packed reluctantly. Than I boarded a plane that I did not want to board. I simply did not want to go, but a promise is a promise. What could I offer to people when my soul was so dry? How could I be a channel for healing when I was wounded? How could I speak to them of the joy of salvation, about His peace when I did not have either one of them? How could I talk to people about surrender when there was something that I found so hard to give up to? I had nothing to offer. I was wounded and hurting. I was afraid that He will not pour out His blessings because my heart was not ready to be a channel of His love, because there was something that I found hard to surrender that kept the wound open and did not allow it to heal.

But I went. I met people. I talked to them. I prayed with them. I listen to their stories. I had my workshop. It was the first time I had a workshop all by myself. And while pouring my life into serving others I totally forgot about my wound. At the end of the 5 days it was all gone. Not even the smallest scar left. It was as if I had never had it. There were always people in the prayer room. The workshop was packed. People kept telling me that they were blessed. I was overwhelmed. They had no clue that I was the one who experienced the greatest blessing. They had no clue that I was a wounded healer. It was than that I understood more of what Paul meant when he said that God's power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Cor. 12:9)

I am gladly packing right now. I am about to board a plane I have been waiting to board for a long time. The same destination, but one year later. This time I am bursting with excitement because I know Him more and I trust more His power. I have seen more of what He can do in spite of my weakness. I have learned more that it is not about me. It is not about what I can do. It is all about Him and what He can do through me. It is not about being worthy, but being willing. It is all about learning to walk with Him and constantly growing. Growing while serving. It is through service that I find solutions to my own struggles and I know that He is about to heal more of my wounds.

Yes, it is all about being a wounded healer. This is what I am. And I will be. Until He comes.

Priorities

I was taking to a girl a couple of weeks ago. I don't really know her but we have something in common: both of us work for the same organization and we are also in the process of finishing our master degree having to work on our thesis. “So, are you going to get your Ph. degree as well?”, she asked me. Upon answering her that I don't want to, she said: “I want to get my degree because I have seen that University teachers have a comfortable and easy life. They usually have a business of their own while pursuing a teaching career.” Later on, while thinking about this conversation (I usually do this) I asked myself: what do I really want in life? Do I want a comfortable life? Do I want an easy a job? Do I want a predictable life? Do I want the financial security and the money of two jobs?

It did not take long before I had the answer... I like comfort, but I don't want a comfortable lifebecause I have seen that I can be really happy while living in a jungle hut. In fact, I think I was happier while living in a hut. I like doing easy stuff, but I don't want it because I want to be challenged, I want to develop and to grow. I like some of the predictable things, but I don't want a predictable life because life with God is often unpredictable. Why? Because my ways are not His ways and His ways are not my ways. So, I need to be ready to accept His leading and this means to accept a way that might not be my way. It feels good to have lots of money but I don't need and I don't want it. I have seen that God can take care of my needs if I seek His Kingdom and His righteousness. I worked as a volunteer for 5 years but I never lacked anything.

Yes, it is true that I don't want an easy and comfortable life! I just want a meaningful and vibrant life of service. This is what I have always wanted. And He gave me one. I have never thought that He will ask me to do the things that I have done and go to the place where I have been. I have never thought that He will lead me the way that He led me. So, life with God is unpredictable. A life of service means a lot of times lack of comfort, uneasiness, a lot of unpredictable situations and waiting on God. And I am fine with it because I am with God and because nothing compares with the joy and peace that come with the assurance that God is leading. It might not be easy at times, but it is worth it. It is definitely worth living a life of service for God!

So, what are the things that you are looking for? What are your priorities? What do you really want in life? Are you content with your life? Are your priorities His priorities?

I like to sit down to ask myself these questions and check if I am on the right track from time to time. If you didn't do it for a long time, I think it is high time to do it.

P.S. Choose to live a life of service! You will never regret this choice.

Vanuatu in Colors...

Here are some links to some more pictures from Vanuatu. Enjoy!

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=26800&id=1176913306&l=50d02bad5d

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=27210&id=1176913306&l=5374558e0d

Back to the Civilization for a Few Days

Here I am, on Santo Island for a few days after almost 5 weeks of no Internet access... I have come to get my visa and I am thankful to have a few days off from school and to be able to meet Mario and share how God is working in our lives. It thrills my heart when I see that God is at work and that He is so mighty and powerful. Believe me, we have lots of stories to share (as ni-Vanuatu people would say). Mario and I have been going all around the town yesterday afternoon and today shopping and trying to do everything we need to do before we go back on Monday to our villages. I am so thankful he knows the town and is so kind as to take me around.

I will be back tomorrow with more news about my life in Malua-Bay and how God is working there.

If you want to see pictures just go here: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=23133&id=1176913306&l=05e49779c3

Some Pictures from Port Vila

For those of you who want to see pictures, go to the following webpage address to see them. The internet connection is very slow so I uploaded them on facebook. Enjoy!

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=363397&l=b5642&id=1176913306

Still on the Way...

It's been 8 days since we left Romania. So much has happened in these 8 days that I feel I cannot keep up with everything that is going on. I tried to make a summary but I didn't have time to finish it so I will be posting it later. A summary of the summary is that Satan is angry but God is working and He is more powerful.

Until I will be able to finish writing more about the trip, I thought of posting some links with some of the pictures we have taken so far:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=18456&id=1176913306&l=4cb9e
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=18457&id=1176913306&l=94618
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=18451&id=1176913306&l=8c63f

So, enjoy!!!

Thank You, God, for Strangers!!!

Yes, I thank the Lord for people that I don't know, or maybe I met them just once - strangers in a nutshell - whom He uses to talk to me, to reveal things or maybe just make things clearer for me.

This morning I decided to listen to one sermon while I was cooking. So I picked my computer and wondered if I should listen to one of Ron Clouzet's sermons that I hadn't listened to. The title didn't sound too promising to me: "Saul, Saul why persecute me?" I am not a persecutor, am I? I needed something to help me understand God's will for me... And even tough it seemed unpromising, I decided to give it a try. Little did I know that God had some many things to tell me through this sermon (I highly recommend it to everybody). He had a special message for me and I am so happy that I have listened to the still small voice that told me to listen to it.

There are many things that God told me but I will tell you just a few of them. I chose to write almost word by word the preacher's words... I wish you could listen to the sermon. It makes much more sense.

• In Acts 22 Paul was the only one able to hear God's voice. Others heard something but not the voice of Jesus. The same thing happened to the people of Israel on Mount Sinai. God spoke the 10 commandments. Only Moses understood God but people heard thunder. Sometimes we think that people ought to understand clearly what God is telling us clearly. But all they hear is thunder. But sometimes that thunder is our thunder because we have heard God and we have heard Him speak very clearly to us, then we thunder to others exactly the things we think they should have heard. But is nothing but thunder to them. Jesus deals with us individually. He knows exactly the timing, the process for each one of us... I'm not trying to discourage anyone from sharing what Jesus have said to them but keep it to that. Perhaps then God will use the Spirit in terms of your testimony to say to them: I want you to think about it. We try to make up with volume for what we assume it's a failure of the Holy spirit to speak with sufficient clarity sometimes.

• God's call to service is never ahead of His call to know Him. When God calls you He first calls you to know who He is and then He shows you whom He was. Are you going to let Him do that? Are you going to allow Him to take you through both these processes? Do not skip one for the other. Many of you here today are wrestling right now with where God wants you to work, whom does God want you to reach. If that is not clear to you, stick to the first part of your call: get to know Jesus. Get to know Him, get to know how you have persecuted Him, what He has done for you, how patient He has been with you, and He will show you at every corner, at every turn: these are the people I want you to reach, these are the doors that I am opening for you. He will not do that clearly until the first part of your call is settled in your heart. That's why missionaries come back burnt out. That's why people with a great zeal for God sometimes fall great distances: because they forget the first part and run away with the second. God is calling all of us to know Him personally.
• If God wants you to grow He will disturb your peace.

It may not make too much sens to you, but it makes to me. I know I have concentrated so much on understanding where God wants me to be, that I forgot to concentrate on knowing Him better. If God is still silent, I know now it is because He wants to teach me to concentrate on getting to know Him. I know that He disturbed my peace just because He wants me to grow. So I decided to leave my future in His hands and to concentrate on knowing Him. It's hard to describe in words evey impression, every thought that God gave me this morning. You know, these things are not new to me, but it is amazing how God make them clearer and make them appear new just because of the vessel He uses, just because of the way somebody is presenting them.

If God talked to me today it is because of someone (a man who is completely stranger for me) was willing to share what God taught Him at GYC and because another person whom I met one time was willing to share with me the sermons he had.

So, I thank God so much for unselfish strangers!!! Even though they do not know it, if one day I will be in heaven, it is also because of them and their willingness to share what they knew or had with others.