Saturday, November 29, 2008

Learning to Wait

It's been only a couple a weeks ago that I was so sure on what I am going to do. Only just a couple of weeks ago I was full of hope and joy, having found the answer to the questions: what's next? where can I serv You at my best? At least this is what I have thought then. And it took just a few days to be surrounded by fog again and to go back to the starting point, back to the land of unanswered questions (this is not because I don't have any options right now or that I do not know what I want to do but it's because of some other reasons). So, I'm back to waiting. I keep asking myself why, keep trying to find out if there is anything I need to give up to, something else that I need to learn.

I have never thought I won't be able to adapt back to my culture and to what once I used to like. I found myself longing every day for the simple jungle life, longing to live in the middle of the nature and to forget all about this complicated civilized life. Is it wrong what I want? No, I don't think so. Is it that God wants something else for me? I wish I can answer with all my power YES (because I know for sure this is what I want) but the situation I am in right now makes me more cautious about my answer. So, I prefer not to asnwer this question and to limit God. I know this is what God wants for all of us, to be able to live close to Him and to His nature, and I know this is what I want to.

Waiting on God... I listened to day to a sermon with this title and it made so much sens to me. But when it comes to applying this to my own life, it seems to hard. I've been waiting for the past 3-4 months and it seems I got tired of waiting. Sometimes I'm asking myself: where is the girl who has been telling to everybody for the past 3 years that God has a plan with everyone's life and there is no greater joy than to know you are where God wants you to be and you are doing what He wants you to do? Apparently, taking care of my grandpa and working of getting a long term visa for a former student of mine, that's what God had me do for the past 3 months. It's not what I wanted to, I have to admit, but I tried to enjoy even though I caught myself complainning at times (shame on me!!!).

Waiting, waiting, waiting... that's in a nut shell what I am up to. I have no doubts that God has a plan with my life and that sooner or later He will reveal it me. Waiting peacefully and joyfully... this is my challange. I've got to a conclusion not long again. I realise that I want to learn to wait in pace more than I want to understand God's plan for me. Yeah, my deceitful heart wants desperatly to find out the answer to the question: What's next? Where should I go to serve? more than to learn to wait (and I know that this desire is not bad). But my brain understand the necessity of learning to wait on Him. So, I guess I am learing to wait right now despite my unwillingness to accept taking this difficult lesson... I'm not a very good student but God hasn't given up on me.

So, I am learning the difficult lesson of waiting. Hopefully I will learn it and God won't have to bring me again to a similar situation.

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