Saturday, September 5, 2009


Have you ever found yourself wanting to be free from your desires? I'm not talking about bad and sinful desires. It's all about good and legitimate desires. I do find myself sometimes in that position. There are good things that I deeply cherish and I surely would like to have them. But sometimes, instead of asking them from the Lord, I'm just asking Him to take away the desire to have them. Maybe it's because sometimes I become their slave and I tend to live in the future and forget to enjoy what I already have... Maybe it's because I am afraid I will never have them. Or maybe it's because I've prayed for some of them for such a long time and I didn't find any answer... Don't get me wrong. I'm not tired of praying for them. It's just that I want to be free, to be able to always enjoy life just as it is. I've always been a dreamer and I always liked to live in the future. Thank God He started to teach some time ago me to live and enjoy the present (it all happened while working in the jungle). So I'm still learning to live with my desires in the present... I guess that when I learned that lesson I can say I am trully free. Will I ever learn it?

It seems we finally have a date for our departure for the African land. October 4 is the day when we are supposed to take off for the Kalahari Desert. Though there is dissapointment in my heart because I was hoping we would leave earlier, I am also at peace because I know this delay has a purpose and it is for my best. I miss working for those helpless people. I find myself more and more not finding my place here... Home is one of those words I can't really say I know the meaning. It's good to be with my family but I long to be there where I find a reason for my existence, where what I do gives me a sens and a reason of being and living. So, right now I am learning to live with the desire of being there and enjoy the life I have right now.

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