We entered quietly her room. The same room we used to live in until I was four. The same room where I left her when I last visited her a couple of years ago. I was anxious to see her, but also a little nervous as I did not know what to expect. Was she the same? Had she changed? I was told she was not feeling very well, but she has been sick all her life, so sickness was no news.

We entered the room. She hardly lifted her head to look at us, and when she did her puzzled look told me more than I wanted to know. We tried to communicate, but she could not really hear us. And when she spoke, she was stumbling over her words. She tried to remember who we were, but her memory simply did not help her. It was more than I could bear. I wished I could say something, but I was just choking up. I tried desperately to hold back my tears and I was somehow successful.

You see, it does not matter that she is 90 and she lived her life, as some people would say. It does not matter that she lived more than an average person does. It does not matter that she has been sick all her life, that she has been sitting in bed ever since I remember her. It does not matter that in the last 10 years, because of my traveling and hectic schedule, I saw her only once every 2-3 years. She has always been there. She could hear, talk and think. She knew who I was and she always had a smile for me. She is my grandma. And right now she is not the grandma I always knew. Life will surely never be the same.

Oh, heaven could not come soon enough!

When Complaining Is not the Solution

Numbers 11, a chapter where everybody complains. The people of Israel complain about having no meat, cucumbers, leek, melons, garlic, onions. Moses complains that he is alone and that the burden is too heavy for him. So, God gives the people of Israel meat and provides help for Moses - 70 men to share his burden. 

So, while I totally disagreed and was appalled by the people of Israel and their complaints, I felt with Moses and pitied him. I could not be happier with the solution God found for Moses and told myself: ”Wow, he could not have asked for a better one!” Than I read from Patriarchs and Prophets and here is what I found:

”The Lord permitted Moses to choose for himself the most faithful and efficient men to share the responsibility with him... yet serious evils would eventually result from their promotion. They would never have been chosen had Moses manifested faith corresponding to the evidences he had witnessed of God’s power and goodness. But he had magnified his own burdens and services, almost losing sight of the fact that he was only the instrument by which God had wrought. He was not excusable in indulging, in the slightest degree, the spirit of murmuring that was the curse of Israel. Had he relied fully upon God, the Lord would have guided him continually and would have given him strength for every emergency.” PP, 380

So, there are a few things that I was reminded this morning. 

The first one is that when God gives a task, I do not need to tell Him how big the task is and that I cannot accomplish it. He gave it to me and He knows very well what He is doing. I need to trust Him. I need to ask for Divine help in carrying the burden. I do not need to tell God how to solve my problem, I need to allow Him to find the perfect solution. Someone once said: "Don't tell God how big your storm is. Tell the storm how big your God is." And it perfectly expresses my thoughts. When I take the time to praise God and claim His promises for wisdom, guidance and power, I gain a whole new perspective and the burden is lighter. It is simply amazing the difference it makes. This is what I have experienced for the past month and I just love seeing how my trust and love for Him deepens when I allow Him to carry my burdens.  

The second one is that what seems the perfect solution for me, it might not be His perfect solution. He is the only one who can see the end from the beginning and He can see the consequences while I don't. I totally agree with Ellen White when she says: "God never leads His children otherwise than they would choose to be led, if they could see the end from the beginning, and discern the glory of the purpose which they are fulfilling as co-workers with Him." DA, 224. 

And the third one is that I should stop complaining about working alone and having no human help. How many times I have done that, only He knows. I always thought that it is His duty to provide help and I kept reminding Him that He sent the disciples two by two, that He also said that two are better than one. But today I finally understood that human help is great to have as long as this is God's first choice, not mine. He told us to plead for workers, and we need to do so, but we need to allow Him to decide if it is better for us to work alone in a certain context or send some help. So, next time I am tempted to complain that the burden is too heavy for me to carry it alone, I will remember to pray for strength and Divine power instead of pleading for human help. And if He thinks that human help is the perfect solution, than praise God! I am sure that He will send it. 

”Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers, pray for powers equal to your task.” ~ Phillips Brooks