Thankful for Tears

I went to church tonight. For those of you who do not know, the Romanian Hope Channel is broadcasting an evangelistic series. At one point in the presentation, while talking about the meaning of life, Pastor Lucian Cristescu talked about a lady who dedicated her life to helping the poor people of Haiti. Then, he talked about a dentist, a Romanian guy, who has taken a lot of mission trips to Africa and South America to help the sick people in isolated places of the world. I tried to hold back my tears but I just couldn't. Every time I hear a mission story or see a presentation about mission work, tears start streaming down my face. I just can't help it. Why am I crying? Because they remind me about a life full of meaning. Because my heart is there. I am not cut out for an office life. I don't know why I have to sit in front of a computer 7+ hours a day. But I am not asking God why because I know that He knows why. I trust Him and I know that this is His plan for me now. And His plan is for my best. Believe me, I am not a person who cries easily. But there are a few things that instantly bring tears to my eyes. I have just talked about one.

This is for the second time my eyes are flooded with tears this week. I talked to a friend this week. We finally found some time to talk since both of has had a lot of work to do. She is a little bit older than me and got married a few months ago. We haven't seen each other in a long time and she promised to share with me her love story whenever we have the time to sit down and talk. For those who do not know, I love to hear people talking about they way God leads them. And I love to hear love stories written by God's hand. As she was sharing with me the details of the story and telling me all the things that God has done for them, I could feel so much excitement in her voice. She was so excited about the way God has led her. At one point in time, I chocked. My eyes were flooded with tears. I was trying to hold them back but I just couldn't. How could my heart be unmoved when I see how good the Lord is? Seeing that God is so faithful and that He always rewards those who patiently wait on Him is simply moving me to tears.

So, I thank God for tears. I thank Him for the wonderful years that I have spend in the mission field. And I thank Him for people who are faithfully waiting on Him. They are such an inspiration to me. I am not afraid to cry because it is a sign that the Holy Spirit is moving upon my heart, that He is there to remind me that life with God is wonderful.

The Road to Daybreak: A Spiritual Journey by Henri Nouwen

A friend of mine posted these quotes that I absolutely liked. So I asked for his approval to post them here. He was so nice as to grant me permission. So, here they are.



"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."

"You don't think your way into a new kind of living. You live your way into a new kind of thinking."

"Let us not underestimate how hard it is to be compassionate. Compassion is hard because it requires the inner disposition to go with others to place where they are weak, vulnerable, lonely, and broken. But this is not our spontaneous response to suffering. What we desire most is to do away with suffering by fleeing from it or finding a quick cure for it."

"To live a spiritual life we must first find the courage to enter into the desert of our loneliness and to change it by gentle and persistent efforts into a garden of solitude. The movement from loneliness to solitude, however, is the beginning of any spiritual life because it it is the movement from the restless senses to the restful spirit,l from the outward-reaching cravings to the inward-reaching search, from the fearful clinging to the fearless play."

"Ministry means the ongoing attempt to put one's own search for God, with all the moments of pain and joy, despair and hope, at the disposal of those who want to join this search but do not know how."

A Time for Everything

“There is a time or everything, and a season for every activity under heaven...” said the wisest man on earth under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. And I have come to realize more and more how true he was. It seems that the time has finally come for me for some major changes. I knew that they would take place so I kept asking myself if I am ready. And every time I would get to the conclusion that I do not know because one does not know if he is ready or not until he is faced with the real facts. That is why I waited for the facts in order to see my reactions and my adjustment skills. I have also asked myself what are the things that I would enjoy doing here, back in Romania. That is another impossible question. I really didn't not know what I would enjoy doing... my life for the past 5 years has been so different... I have found so much fulfillment in what I have done that I really did not know what else I could enjoy doing. But God had the answers for me, and I knew that He would take upon Himself to answer these questions.

I was in the library last week working on the thesis, when my phone called. It was my dad. He said that he met the Romanian Hope Channel director and he asked about me, where I am presently? what I am doing? A few hours later he met again my father and asked him: “Can you, please, tell Raluca to come to see me on Monday?”

So I made my way to the Hope Channel headquarters on Monday. The meeting was brief and target-directed. There was an opening for a translator job. “Do you want it or not?” was his the question. I was not enthusiastic at all... but I said yes. I was given a test: an one-hour sermon to translate into Romanian language. I did it the very next day. By 6 PM, my translation was on its way to the director's email address. At 7:30 PM of the same evening I was asked if I could be in my office the next morning. Huh... kind of fast... I didn't expect it so fast.

Am I ready for the change? Am I going to enjoy sitting in front of a computer and doing translation work? The same two impossible questions... I knew that time has come for me to find an answer to these questions. Am I ready to find out the answer? Ready or not, I was going to find it soon and continue to find it as the time goes by.

So, here I am, from the life of a free jungle and desert bird to the confinement of an office... Listening and translating sermons into Romanian language is not bad at all... So far I really like what I am doing. I've been so blessed by the message of the sermons on Revival and Reformation that I have translated so far. So, little by little, I finally have some of the answers to my two questions. How long I will be doing this? Where should I go to worship on Sabbaths? Where can I find some people I can really connect with? You see, more questions are rising that I don't have the answers for. But I know that He already has them for me!

So, tell me that God doesn't have the big picture and that He does not want us to be able to enjoy life! I know that He does because He showed it to me one more time!

Priorities

I was taking to a girl a couple of weeks ago. I don't really know her but we have something in common: both of us work for the same organization and we are also in the process of finishing our master degree having to work on our thesis. “So, are you going to get your Ph. degree as well?”, she asked me. Upon answering her that I don't want to, she said: “I want to get my degree because I have seen that University teachers have a comfortable and easy life. They usually have a business of their own while pursuing a teaching career.” Later on, while thinking about this conversation (I usually do this) I asked myself: what do I really want in life? Do I want a comfortable life? Do I want an easy a job? Do I want a predictable life? Do I want the financial security and the money of two jobs?

It did not take long before I had the answer... I like comfort, but I don't want a comfortable lifebecause I have seen that I can be really happy while living in a jungle hut. In fact, I think I was happier while living in a hut. I like doing easy stuff, but I don't want it because I want to be challenged, I want to develop and to grow. I like some of the predictable things, but I don't want a predictable life because life with God is often unpredictable. Why? Because my ways are not His ways and His ways are not my ways. So, I need to be ready to accept His leading and this means to accept a way that might not be my way. It feels good to have lots of money but I don't need and I don't want it. I have seen that God can take care of my needs if I seek His Kingdom and His righteousness. I worked as a volunteer for 5 years but I never lacked anything.

Yes, it is true that I don't want an easy and comfortable life! I just want a meaningful and vibrant life of service. This is what I have always wanted. And He gave me one. I have never thought that He will ask me to do the things that I have done and go to the place where I have been. I have never thought that He will lead me the way that He led me. So, life with God is unpredictable. A life of service means a lot of times lack of comfort, uneasiness, a lot of unpredictable situations and waiting on God. And I am fine with it because I am with God and because nothing compares with the joy and peace that come with the assurance that God is leading. It might not be easy at times, but it is worth it. It is definitely worth living a life of service for God!

So, what are the things that you are looking for? What are your priorities? What do you really want in life? Are you content with your life? Are your priorities His priorities?

I like to sit down to ask myself these questions and check if I am on the right track from time to time. If you didn't do it for a long time, I think it is high time to do it.

P.S. Choose to live a life of service! You will never regret this choice.