I packed reluctantly. Than I boarded a plane that I did not want to board. I simply did not want to go, but a promise is a promise. What could I offer to people when my soul was so dry? How could I be a channel for healing when I was wounded? How could I speak to them of the joy of salvation, about His peace when I did not have either one of them? How could I talk to people about surrender when there was something that I found so hard to give up to? I had nothing to offer. I was wounded and hurting. I was afraid that He will not pour out His blessings because my heart was not ready to be a channel of His love, because there was something that I found hard to surrender that kept the wound open and did not allow it to heal.
But I went. I met people. I talked to them. I prayed with them. I listen to their stories. I had my workshop. It was the first time I had a workshop all by myself. And while pouring my life into serving others I totally forgot about my wound. At the end of the 5 days it was all gone. Not even the smallest scar left. It was as if I had never had it. There were always people in the prayer room. The workshop was packed. People kept telling me that they were blessed. I was overwhelmed. They had no clue that I was the one who experienced the greatest blessing. They had no clue that I was a wounded healer. It was than that I understood more of what Paul meant when he said that God's power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Cor. 12:9)
I am gladly packing right now. I am about to board a plane I have been waiting to board for a long time. The same destination, but one year later. This time I am bursting with excitement because I know Him more and I trust more His power. I have seen more of what He can do in spite of my weakness. I have learned more that it is not about me. It is not about what I can do. It is all about Him and what He can do through me. It is not about being worthy, but being willing. It is all about learning to walk with Him and constantly growing. Growing while serving. It is through service that I find solutions to my own struggles and I know that He is about to heal more of my wounds.
Yes, it is all about being a wounded healer. This is what I am. And I will be. Until He comes.
It was only yesterday that I prayed for her as I was going through
my prayer list and I came to Matteson Mission School. Today, as I came to the
same place, I know that prayers for her are of no use. I can only pray for her
friends and loved ones who mourn her loss.
It was only yesterday that I was looking forward to meeting her and singing
with her in a month and a half when I will be going to Germany to teach Josia
Missionsschule and Matteson Mission School's students. Today, I have one more
reason to look forward to heaven to meet her and sing with her . I can only
pray that I will be there to keep my promise.
I met her a little over a month ago in Sweden at IMPACT Scandinavia. I don't
think that we talked for more than 30 minutes. Time is always an issue at such
conferences. But those few minutes that we talked have left a deep impression
on my heart. It was enough to make me realize what a special person she is and
make me want to meet her again and get to know her more. It was enough to make
me see that she loved God and people.
She served God. She loved people. She loved music. And she touched lives. I
have no doubt about that because she touched mine in the few minutes we spent
together. This is how I will always remember Vivian. I do not think that there
are better things to be remembered for.
As I sit here and ponder over the fragility of life I cannot help but wonder,
if I were to die tomorrow, what will I be remembered for?
Today I have one more reason to look forward to heaven. Oh, heaven cannot come
soon enough! Even so, come Lord Jesus!
It's been a while since I promised myself to try and blog more
about what He has been teaching me, but as you see, I did not find the time to
do it. So I am thankful for Friday nights when I can spend time with the Lord
and try to write down some of his blessings. One of
the things God keept showing me it is that it is better to give than toreceive. A little more than a month ago He
reminded me again that He can do much more than I think if I give Him
everything I have. It was a month and a half ago that I was talking to a
friend. I was telling her how excited I was that I saw her on the list of the
attendees of IMPACT Scandinavia (Sweden, December 2012). She told me that she
registered, but she cannot come. She did not have the money. "I will pray
that God will provide the money for the trip!" was my answer. But as soon
as I said it, God reminded me: "Raluca, you have money in your bank account." You see, two months prior to that, I went to a congress. They
could not pay for the plane ticket so someone offered to pay for it. A month
after I came back home, the leadership decided that they had the money to pay
for my plane ticket, so they sent me the money. This is why I had money in my
bank account, but I was planning on saving it for the next time when people could
not pay for my trip. "Raluca, you have money in your bank account." "But, Lord, what if someone cannot pay for my trip?" "Don't you think that I can take care of that when the time
comes? Remember how I paid your way to Portugal, to Germany, to the US?" "Yes, Lord, I remember." So, I gave in. I went online, searched for a plane ticket and
bought it. The amount of money needed was exactly what I had in the bank
account. Two weeks later I was in Sweden. One evening, I checked my email before
going to my room for the night. I was surprised to see an email from someone I
respect. Both he and his wife have been a huge inspiration to me. I had
volunteered and helped them with some projects because I was passionate about
those things. I was really shocked when I read "We all appreciate so very
much all you have done this year to help with "such and such
projects"! We want to send you a very small love gift for all your
hard work..." It had never crossed my mind that I could ever be paid for
my work. I did it simply because I loved it. And the amazing thing is that the
amount of money that they sent me was double the amount of money I paid for my
friend's plane ticket. Tell me that God is not amazing! Well God, You won again... You showed me again that you can do exceedingly abundantly
above all I can think or ask. I just pray that next time I will not hesitate to
share the blessings You have given me.
