He Knows My Fears

One of my biggest fears when I came to Bucharest was that I will not be able to find a church with a group of active young people. I hated the thought of going to church, sitting in a chair and listening to the sermon and than going back home, having no friends in church and doing nothing for the Lord. The perspective of not finding my place in the church scared me to death. Why was I so scared? Because I spent several summers in Bucharest in the past years and I have felt like a stranger. I simply found no joy in going to church. Sabbath School was boring and I hated to be a mere spectator.

While looking for an apartment, one of my friends told me about a girl who is also looking for an apartment and some girls to rent it with her. I didn’t know her, but we started talking on the phone and looking for an apartment to rent together. I didn’t know who she was and I simply do now know why I trusted her, but I know now that it was God who allowed my heart to trust.

Not only that we rented together an apartment, but also started to attend the same church. The first Sabbath I went with her to church, her youth group decided to have a rehearsal at noon. They were preparing to go to a country-side church and spend a whole Sabbath there to bring joy to the 30 members of that church.

I didn’t want to stay, but Christina insisted that I stay and sing with them. Though I didn’t know most of the young people, I felt at home. It so “happened” that they didn’t have anybody to play the piano for them, so I found something to do right away. And when I think that this was only my third Sabbath in Bucharest, I realize that the answer to my prayers came faster than I anticipated.

I am so thankful that the Lord showed me one more time that there is nothing I should be afraid of, because He cares about my needs... I am so happy I can gladly go to church and to youth meetings, having a Sabbath School lesson to look forward to, and knowing that I am going to meet friends, people who, like me, are seeking for the Lord. I am so happy that I can do something for the Lord with this youth group.

Yes, I realize that my faith was so small... I am so humbled by God’s love and care for me. He knew my need and had a solution prepared for me long before I was aware of it. What can I say, other than: Lord, I am in awe of You.

When God Is Enough

Valentine's Day is here. I realized that when I saw the decorations in town. While surfing the net, I also came across some articles on the same topic: A Single Girl's (tried and true) Guide to Valentine's Day or How to Survive Valentine's Day If You Are Single. And all I could do was smile. But even though I had a smile on my face, I realized that they reflect a sad reality. There are a lot of lonely people for whom the burden of singleness is too heavy to bear. And this type of articles are meant to help people forget about the emptiness they feel in their hearts. They try to give some shallow solutions to a deep problem. They try to find some short-term solutions and they may work for a while. But they do not solve the real problem.

So, while thinking about singleness and loneliness, my thoughts took me back in time to the day when I first realized that marriage will not make me happy. I also remember the day when I understood for the first time that God has to be enough and everything for me if I want to be happy. That was the beginning of an unforgetful journey with God. A journey with ups and downs. It took time for the truth to sink in. It took time for me to learn to let God control this area of my life. It took time to learn to be content in my singleness. And even though I was slow, I am happy that God had not given up on me.

If today I am happy as a single person, is because God is enough for me. He is everything for me. If I am content, it is because I chose to enjoy life as it is now. I chose to serve and I find joy and fulfillment in my service. I chose to give Him my future. I chose to give Him my dreams and my desires. I chose to give Him the pen to write my love story in His own time. And I know that He is working on it. Marriage is not the ultimate relationship we were created for. A relationship will not make us happy if we were not happy before. Until God is enough, we will never have enough.

Yes, there are days when I feel lonely. There are times when I ask Him: how long? And, yes, I have unanswered questions. But since God is enough, I can live with unanswered questions, I can still be content and happy because I give Him my burden, because I trust Him and because I know that, whatever He does, He does it for my best. You see, I can enjoy life because it is not about me. It is about His plans for me and my salvation. If He promised to lead me, why should I worry? If it is all about me being saved, why would I want a relationship at the price of my salvation? I asked Him to do anything that it takes to mold me and shape me into His likeness, and I believe that this is what He is doing right now.

So, praise God that I can say today: Jesus Christ is more than enough for me. It is all because of Him and His love for me.

The Power of the Gospel

I listened to a sermon while coming to my office this morning. In fact, I am taking an online class about the Holy Spirit (I will tell you more about it later on) and one of the requirements of the class is to listen to a sermon every week and answer some questions about what I listened to. So, I was listening to Dan Vis' message when it struck me. It is not a new message, but it is just what I needed to hear this morning. The Gospel is a source of power, the Gospel is very practical and simple. The Gospel is not just theory or something abstract. It is supposed to be a power source in our life. The reason why so many young people are leaving the church today is that nobody has taught them how to make the Gospel a source of power in their lives, said Dan Vis. And he is so right!

Than, he goes on to talk about the connection between the Gospel and the Holy Spirit, and the power of the will. He reminded me of the first time I finally understood how everything works. I remember that I was in the jungles of Guyana. I had many struggles, I had things I was trying to surrender and give up to, but I failed every time I tried. Than, one evening, our principal's wife had the talk for the evening worship and she shared with us something that I will never forget, something that changed my life forever. That evening I finally understood that I have to understand the true force of the will, that everything depends on the right action of the will. God gave us the power of choice. We cannot chose to do what is right, we cannot change our hearts. But we can choose to give our will to Him. Than, He will work in us to will and to do as He wants (Steps to Christ, 47). From than on, I made a habit of surrendering my life to Him every morning, before I get out of my bed. And life was so much different from that day on...

Then, this morning I understood something else that I am sure will change my life completely. "Our will is to be yielded to Him that we may receive it again purified, refined..." (Thoughts from the Mount Of Blessings, 62). So, when we give our will to God, He transforms it and gives is back to us to exercise it.

I could go on and tell you all the wonderful things that God has been teaching me through FAST Ministries. FAST Ministries is an endtime movement, committed to calling God's people back to the Bible. Their goal is to equip believers everywhere with cutting-edge tools to memorize Scripture, apply it to their life, and pass it on to others. Meeting Dan Vis & team over a decade ago and their friendship over all these years has been a great blessing for me. I just want to encourage you to visit FAST website. It has many great resources. One of the things I like about Dan Vis is that he is really practical. I believe that the Gospel is very simple and practical. And that is the way he presents it.

Thankful for Tears

I went to church tonight. For those of you who do not know, the Romanian Hope Channel is broadcasting an evangelistic series. At one point in the presentation, while talking about the meaning of life, Pastor Lucian Cristescu talked about a lady who dedicated her life to helping the poor people of Haiti. Then, he talked about a dentist, a Romanian guy, who has taken a lot of mission trips to Africa and South America to help the sick people in isolated places of the world. I tried to hold back my tears but I just couldn't. Every time I hear a mission story or see a presentation about mission work, tears start streaming down my face. I just can't help it. Why am I crying? Because they remind me about a life full of meaning. Because my heart is there. I am not cut out for an office life. I don't know why I have to sit in front of a computer 7+ hours a day. But I am not asking God why because I know that He knows why. I trust Him and I know that this is His plan for me now. And His plan is for my best. Believe me, I am not a person who cries easily. But there are a few things that instantly bring tears to my eyes. I have just talked about one.

This is for the second time my eyes are flooded with tears this week. I talked to a friend this week. We finally found some time to talk since both of has had a lot of work to do. She is a little bit older than me and got married a few months ago. We haven't seen each other in a long time and she promised to share with me her love story whenever we have the time to sit down and talk. For those who do not know, I love to hear people talking about they way God leads them. And I love to hear love stories written by God's hand. As she was sharing with me the details of the story and telling me all the things that God has done for them, I could feel so much excitement in her voice. She was so excited about the way God has led her. At one point in time, I chocked. My eyes were flooded with tears. I was trying to hold them back but I just couldn't. How could my heart be unmoved when I see how good the Lord is? Seeing that God is so faithful and that He always rewards those who patiently wait on Him is simply moving me to tears.

So, I thank God for tears. I thank Him for the wonderful years that I have spend in the mission field. And I thank Him for people who are faithfully waiting on Him. They are such an inspiration to me. I am not afraid to cry because it is a sign that the Holy Spirit is moving upon my heart, that He is there to remind me that life with God is wonderful.

The Road to Daybreak: A Spiritual Journey by Henri Nouwen

A friend of mine posted these quotes that I absolutely liked. So I asked for his approval to post them here. He was so nice as to grant me permission. So, here they are.



"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."

"You don't think your way into a new kind of living. You live your way into a new kind of thinking."

"Let us not underestimate how hard it is to be compassionate. Compassion is hard because it requires the inner disposition to go with others to place where they are weak, vulnerable, lonely, and broken. But this is not our spontaneous response to suffering. What we desire most is to do away with suffering by fleeing from it or finding a quick cure for it."

"To live a spiritual life we must first find the courage to enter into the desert of our loneliness and to change it by gentle and persistent efforts into a garden of solitude. The movement from loneliness to solitude, however, is the beginning of any spiritual life because it it is the movement from the restless senses to the restful spirit,l from the outward-reaching cravings to the inward-reaching search, from the fearful clinging to the fearless play."

"Ministry means the ongoing attempt to put one's own search for God, with all the moments of pain and joy, despair and hope, at the disposal of those who want to join this search but do not know how."

A Time for Everything

“There is a time or everything, and a season for every activity under heaven...” said the wisest man on earth under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. And I have come to realize more and more how true he was. It seems that the time has finally come for me for some major changes. I knew that they would take place so I kept asking myself if I am ready. And every time I would get to the conclusion that I do not know because one does not know if he is ready or not until he is faced with the real facts. That is why I waited for the facts in order to see my reactions and my adjustment skills. I have also asked myself what are the things that I would enjoy doing here, back in Romania. That is another impossible question. I really didn't not know what I would enjoy doing... my life for the past 5 years has been so different... I have found so much fulfillment in what I have done that I really did not know what else I could enjoy doing. But God had the answers for me, and I knew that He would take upon Himself to answer these questions.

I was in the library last week working on the thesis, when my phone called. It was my dad. He said that he met the Romanian Hope Channel director and he asked about me, where I am presently? what I am doing? A few hours later he met again my father and asked him: “Can you, please, tell Raluca to come to see me on Monday?”

So I made my way to the Hope Channel headquarters on Monday. The meeting was brief and target-directed. There was an opening for a translator job. “Do you want it or not?” was his the question. I was not enthusiastic at all... but I said yes. I was given a test: an one-hour sermon to translate into Romanian language. I did it the very next day. By 6 PM, my translation was on its way to the director's email address. At 7:30 PM of the same evening I was asked if I could be in my office the next morning. Huh... kind of fast... I didn't expect it so fast.

Am I ready for the change? Am I going to enjoy sitting in front of a computer and doing translation work? The same two impossible questions... I knew that time has come for me to find an answer to these questions. Am I ready to find out the answer? Ready or not, I was going to find it soon and continue to find it as the time goes by.

So, here I am, from the life of a free jungle and desert bird to the confinement of an office... Listening and translating sermons into Romanian language is not bad at all... So far I really like what I am doing. I've been so blessed by the message of the sermons on Revival and Reformation that I have translated so far. So, little by little, I finally have some of the answers to my two questions. How long I will be doing this? Where should I go to worship on Sabbaths? Where can I find some people I can really connect with? You see, more questions are rising that I don't have the answers for. But I know that He already has them for me!

So, tell me that God doesn't have the big picture and that He does not want us to be able to enjoy life! I know that He does because He showed it to me one more time!

Priorities

I was taking to a girl a couple of weeks ago. I don't really know her but we have something in common: both of us work for the same organization and we are also in the process of finishing our master degree having to work on our thesis. “So, are you going to get your Ph. degree as well?”, she asked me. Upon answering her that I don't want to, she said: “I want to get my degree because I have seen that University teachers have a comfortable and easy life. They usually have a business of their own while pursuing a teaching career.” Later on, while thinking about this conversation (I usually do this) I asked myself: what do I really want in life? Do I want a comfortable life? Do I want an easy a job? Do I want a predictable life? Do I want the financial security and the money of two jobs?

It did not take long before I had the answer... I like comfort, but I don't want a comfortable lifebecause I have seen that I can be really happy while living in a jungle hut. In fact, I think I was happier while living in a hut. I like doing easy stuff, but I don't want it because I want to be challenged, I want to develop and to grow. I like some of the predictable things, but I don't want a predictable life because life with God is often unpredictable. Why? Because my ways are not His ways and His ways are not my ways. So, I need to be ready to accept His leading and this means to accept a way that might not be my way. It feels good to have lots of money but I don't need and I don't want it. I have seen that God can take care of my needs if I seek His Kingdom and His righteousness. I worked as a volunteer for 5 years but I never lacked anything.

Yes, it is true that I don't want an easy and comfortable life! I just want a meaningful and vibrant life of service. This is what I have always wanted. And He gave me one. I have never thought that He will ask me to do the things that I have done and go to the place where I have been. I have never thought that He will lead me the way that He led me. So, life with God is unpredictable. A life of service means a lot of times lack of comfort, uneasiness, a lot of unpredictable situations and waiting on God. And I am fine with it because I am with God and because nothing compares with the joy and peace that come with the assurance that God is leading. It might not be easy at times, but it is worth it. It is definitely worth living a life of service for God!

So, what are the things that you are looking for? What are your priorities? What do you really want in life? Are you content with your life? Are your priorities His priorities?

I like to sit down to ask myself these questions and check if I am on the right track from time to time. If you didn't do it for a long time, I think it is high time to do it.

P.S. Choose to live a life of service! You will never regret this choice.