A Risen Savior

It is dark. He takes His disciples and they go to the garden.

"Stay here and watch with Me. Watch and pray."

Three times He asked them to do this. Yet, they are too tired.

So they sleep.

A few hours down the road they all leave Him,

deny they know Him.

43 days later they are all in one place on their knees. Waiting for 10 days. The command was not to depart from Jerusalem until they will receive the Holy Spirit. 
And they complied.

How comes? They could not spend a few hours on their knees. 
Now, they spend 10 days.

What made the difference?

The vision of a different Savior. A risen One.

This is what made the difference.

Is your Savior still on the cross or in the grave?

Or is He risen from the dead?

If He was truly risen, than you would realize your need

for the Holy Spirit and you would be on your knees

begging for His presence in your life.

I serve a risen Savior...

"Why seek ye the living among the dead?

He is not here, but is risen..."

Luke 24:5,6

Have You Seen Jesus?

Have you seen Jesus? I am not asking if you have seen what He has done for you. I believe that most Christian get to see that sooner or later in their Christian life. And sadly many of us reduce God to what He has done for us. I am asking if you have seen Him, if you have seen who He is, if you have beheld His glory, His character. When is the last time that you intentionally took time to see Him, asked Him to reveal Himself to you, asked the Holy Spirit to open your eyes that you may see Him as He is?

Though it is important to see what God has done for you, it is not enough. Seeing what He has done is only one of the initial steps in discovering who Jesus really is. And we should not stop there. We need to go deeper than that.

I believe the reason most of us are weak and have no power to change is that we are so content with seeing what He has done for us and too busy with working for Him. It is such a nice feeling to know that we are cared for and to have the satisfaction of a well-done job (at least of what we think it is a well-done job). And we stop there.

Ellen White says in The Colporteur Evangelist: "The value of the human agent is estimated according to the capacity of the heart to know and understand God.... The highest possible good is obtained through a knowledge of God. “This is life eternal, that they might know Thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom Thou hast sent.” John 17:3. This knowledge is the secret spring from which flows all power.... The great need of the soul is to know God and Jesus Christ, whom He has sent." p. 60

Just think of the disciples. They had been with Jesus for three and a half years, they witnessed so many miracles, they even performed some, but they denied Jesus when He was arrested. Peter sank in the see of Galilee even though he had a good start on the water. Philip asked to see the Father. The disciples complained that they cannot feed the multitudes because they had only five breads and two fishes. They had told the stranger on the way to Emmaus all about Jesus and how disappointed they were that He died and that He did not save the nation. They tried to heal a demon-possessed child but failed. Later on they cast out demons when Jesus sent them (Luke 9). The disciples had seen what Jesus had done for three and a half years, they worked with Him and performed some miracle in His name, but they failed to see who He really was while He was with them. How do I know this? I know it because they have run away when He was arrested, they have failed to understand what kingdom He came to establish, they did not understand why He had to die and they did not expect that He will rise again. So, it is possible to be with Jesus, to walk with Him, to witness His miracles, to be one of the recipients of His miracles and even to perform miracles but to fail to know Him and see Him as He is.

"If you see only what He has done for you, your God is not big enough. But if you have had a vision, seeing Jesus as He really is, experiences can come and go, yet you will endure “as seeing Him who is invisible”. O. Chambers.

If you have seen Him you will never be the same again. The worldly things that might have been appealing are not anymore. 

As you draw closer to God and start to realize who He is, you will stop asking for things and will ask God to reveal Himself to you. You will ask to see Jesus as He is so that you are changed more and more into His likeness, so that you have His mindset, so that you can see people and things through His eyes.

For so many years I thought that I knew Him, I witnessed His miracles, I worked for Him. Yet, I now realize that I only saw what He had done for me and through me. And I was content with that.

I think that I have just started to see a glimpse of Him... and no words could describe this experience and what it has done to me.

Youth in Mission

God loves Germany and Germans!!! I know that I am not telling you anything new. You and I always knew it, but what happened in the past two weeks only gave life and a new dimension to these words.

I have to admit that I had a lot of prejudices when I went to Germany. I knew how secular the church is in this part of the world and I was wondering how it is going to be. I also knew that it was going to be different than other events I went to. Nevertheless, I was not prepared for the challenges I was going to face.

First session of united prayer Friday morning

Besides the all-day prayer room, we also had a session of united prayer every morning at 6 AM. I did not know how many people would turn out. In fact, I was warned that not very many people might turn out to the morning sessions.

Friday morning. First session of united prayer. I was surprised to see that we had a good turn-out (I did not count them, but I think that there were 30+, almost 40 people). There were only a few who prayed, but it was something and we were happy.

Friday evening, at the end of the first day of the Youth in Mission (YiM), something was very clear to me: Germans are very afraid to pray with other people. They are so afraid to be vulnerable and open their hearts before other people and God. I came here to pray with people, but it seemed that they were too shy and to scared to pray in a group setting. They would come to the prayer room, but they would refuse to pray with us. They would pray by themselves. My heart was heavy and I cried out to God: "Lord, what can I do? How can I help them see the importance of united prayer?" I went to the evening devotion and the Lord showed me that He cares so much about them. Dwight Nelson preached that night about prayer. His sermon was so timely. At the end of the meeting I was convinced that I need to wrestle with God in prayer, to stay on my knees and intercede for them until God gives me peace that He will answer. And so I did. "Lord, give me Germany or I die" was the prayer of my heavy heart that night. Around midnight He gave me peace so I went to sleep.

Next morning we had the next morning prayer session. Not only did more people pray, but the prayers were simply flowing. If the previous morning there were some pauses between prayers, Sabbath morning things were very different.  

Some of those who chose to pray during outreach

Things were also different in the prayer room the next day. We got to pray with more people. Saturday was also the day for the outreach. We were wondering if people would be willing to stay and pray for those who were doing outreach. And I was so surprised when I saw how many people came to the prayer room. Lina was one of those people who chose to pray instead of going to the outreach. In fact, she wanted to choose the easier way. So she came thinking that she will pray for 2-3 minutes all by herself in a corner and that was all. But as she entered the prayer room, we were all gathered in a circle and she heard us saying that we will be praying together for the whole 3 hours while the other young people were doing outreach. She was horrified and she wanted to turn back. She could no imagine herself prayer for 3 hours with a group of strangers. But she was too shy to do that, so she came in. She was really scared and she was not happy at all. But as we started to pray, she not only started to be joyful, but she felt the need to pray and she wanted to pray more and more. She is just one of many who had this experience. There was another family who joined us for the same prayer session and the husband was confessing that he was wondering if our prayers did any good. As we finished praying for the outreach, he went out and met a girl he knew who was just coming back from the outreach. She was so happy about how the outreach went. When he told her that we have been praying for them, she told him that God has truly answered our prayers and that everything that happened was an answer to prayers. His heart was simply flooded with joy and he had no more doubts that prayer works.

There was another young man who came to the prayer room with a heavy heart. He and Arlaine started to talk and when he heard that Arlaine was from Indonesia he started to cry. He explained to her that last year he and his wife were suppose to go on vacation to Indonesia, but they never got to do that because she left him. She also cut any communication with him and with their common friends. They had a very close friend who was trying to help them with their marital struggles, but she refused to answer her emails and phone calls. He came to the prayer room and Arlaine prayed with him. The next day, he came back with a big smile on his face. The very same day he prayed in the prayer room, their common friend who had no idea he has been praying, called his wife again and this time she picked up the phone. She agreed to meet and talk with him.

"What is it with the prayer room?" I was asked by a young man. "How is it that there is so much power there?" He is just one of the many young people who discovered the power of prayer. One of the many who had a special encounter with God and whose life will never be the same.

Wendy, Arlaine and I

I was happy to know that the YiM team felt the power of prayer. They were wondering why there were no major obstacles like before and what is it that makes this congress so different from the other ones. It is true that every congress is different, but they felt that there was something special about this one. The last day, as they were talking again about these things, Wendy, a wonderful lady from the organizing team who was in charge of the prayer room and whom I got to love dearly, remembered what I told her - that there were a few of us who fasted and prayed for YiM, that my ARME team mates were praying for us and that we have been praying every day for YiM in the prayer room. So she shared with the team and they all agreed that it was prayer that made a difference at this YiM congress. In fact, as I write, they have their evaluation meeting and I was told that they scheduled two session of united prayer with the whole team this weekend. Praise God is all I can say!

I could also feel the power of prayer when I had the United Prayer workshop. When I saw that there were 17 more workshops in the same time and that the two main speakers (Dwight Nelson and Martin Probstle) were among the speakers, I told the Lord that I was content with just a handful of people and I asked Him to bring the right people to the workshop. When I got to the room and I saw that there was no video projector, I knew that Satan is trying his best and that God has big plans. But I still did not expect too many people to turn out. God surpassed my expectation again. Not only did I have a video projector, but the room was full of people and because there were no more seats some of them had to sit on the floor and on the window sills.

Remember about my prayer on Friday night? Oh well, when I prayed: "Lord, give me Germany or I die" I thought that He will bring people to the prayer room and make them willing to pray in a group setting. This is actually what I was praying for. But the Lord answered this prayer in a way I never expected He will. At the end of the congress I was invited to come back next year to coordinate the prayer room and have again the workshop on united prayer and I was also invited to another youth congress on the Northern part of Germany (Northern Germany is much more secular than the Southern Germany were YiM was held). How's that for an answer to prayer?

After Youth in Mission was over I spend one and a half more days with Lukas and Arlaine and enjoyed tremendously the Bible study, united prayer and sweet fellowship we had.

Than I went to Frankfurt where I finally met Melody. She was invited to speak over the weekend at the Christian Advent Center and I joined her (if you want to know how it all happened, you can read it here). God showed me again how much He loves Germans, that He can touch hearts and that He has His people even in this very secular country. We had a full weekend and were able to see God at work in a might way. My prayer has been one more time answered. I am very excited about the AFCOE program that they are going to start this summer in the very same church we visited. Germany needs something like this.

We also got to see the Cathedral from Worms and Wartburg Castle, places where Luther had been and who are very important in the history of the Reformation. What a blessing it was to be able to see all these places. Mel and I were really spoiled by Gerda and Reed who have been more than wonderful to us. In case you don't believe me, here is the proof (in case you still do not believe me, you have to check my facebook pictures):

Wartburg Castle

In front of Luther's room in Wartburg Castle

Downtown Frankfurt

In front of the Cathedral from Worms

Standing in the very same sport
where Luther stood before the Diet of Worms

View from Shonburg Castle

Lunch at Wartburg Castle

It was an honor to be able to witness all these miracles that God performed in Germany. I know now why He did not want me to go to our ARME Bible Camp in the UK and I am so happy that I stayed the whole time at YiM. God showed me one more time that His plans are far better than mine.

So, yes, God loves Germans and so do I. I went there having a lot of prejudice against them and I left having a special burden on my heart for this special nation that was once the birthplace of the Reformation. So, thank you, God, for showing me that Germans are hungry for the Word just as much as I am and that they are not that impossible to love after all.

Isn't He Amazing?

God is still in the business of doing miracles. This is all I can say after what happened in the last 3 days. I am in Wien, on my way to Germany. Life has been really hectic and I did not get to write my blog in a long time. So, since I have free internet in the airport, I thought this might be a good opportunity to write.

Some of you may know that this weekend I have been invited to go to Youth in Mission congress, to coordinate the prayer room and to have a workshop on united prayer. I promised to go there before I knew that our ARME Bible Camp from UK is going to take place in the same time. When I found out I tried to find someone to replace me and I did. But the Youth in Mission leadership did not accept me not to come. They said that they would really like me to go. And I consented to do so. Still, the thought of not meeting my ARME family and some of my friends was torturing me. So I came up with another idea. What if I go to the UK only for Sunday and Monday? So I bought an one-way ticket to Frankfurt. Than I tried to buy my ticket from Frankfurt to Birmingham and than Bucharest.  But the two credit cards I tried to use did not work. And than, I really did not have peace about it. So I decided that the best thing to do is to stay in Germany the whole time. Once I made this decision, I bought my return ticket to Romania. Needless to say, I was really sorry for the mistake I have made because buying two one way tickets was more expensive than buying one round-way ticket.

Monday morning I woke up like usual, had my devotions and opened my computer to check my emails. Little did I know that I was in for a huge surprise. I opened an email from Melody. Melody is one of my best friends whom I have never met. She introduced me to ARME and united prayer. I have been wanting to meet her for a long time, but it seemed that God canceled our plans every time we planned on it. In the email she wrote me that she was invited to come and speak in Germany so she was going there for a week. She was coming the day after I was leaving. I had talked to her on Sunday and she did not mention anything like that. Now, after 12 hours she was writing that she bought her ticket for Germany. I could not believe it that I will miss her by 24 hours. Could I extend my staying? But where will I sleep? What will I do about my ticket? I had a non-refundable, non-changeable low cost ticket.

Since Mel wrote me me and to the lady who invited her, I wrote the lady and asked her where is she living. I was thinking of trying to see if I knew anybody or if my father knew anybody in the area who could take me in for a few nights. But Gerda was kind enough to tell me not to worry because I could stay with Mel.

Once the problem of the accommodation was solved, I had one more to solve: the ticket. And this was the most difficult one.

I called the company and found out that it would cost me one and half more times the price of the ticket if I wanted to change the date of my departure. Hmmmm, I really could not afford that!!! I asked the lady what is the penalty for canceling the ticket. She told me that I will be refunded the whole amount of money. How's that? God worked out things that they changed the time of my flight and now I had the right to cancel it and get the refund without having to pay any penalty. Wow... when God is doing something, He does it all the way to the end. But this was not the end of His miracles.

I started looking for a new ticket and all of them were very expensive. I could not afford it. But than, He did it again. I found one. Even though it was more expensive than the first one I had, still the price was reasonable. Not to mention that someone offered to pay for that out of the blue.

And when I thought this is all, God showed me one more time that He was not done yet.

I applied for a week's leave on Tuesday and my request was approved. Wednesday I talked to our secretary and she told me that the director decided that from now on nobody can apply for leave. Everybody will have their annual vacation in August. Had I been a day late, I would have not been approved my request for a week off and I would not have been able to meet Melody and Gerda.

So... who would have ever thought how things will turn out when I decided that obeying God and staying the whole time in Germany? Who would have ever thought that God can turn a mistake into a blessing? Who would have ever thought that He will give me the desire of my heart? Had I not obeyed, I would have spend 2 and a half days with Mel in the UK. Now I get to spend with her a whole week!!!

God is amazing. In fact, saying that He is amazing will not do Him justice. There are no words to describe how blessed I am to have Him as my Father. He showed me one more time that He loves me so much and that Jeremiah 29:11 is so true: "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." We just need to trust Him even when our desires tell us to do something else, even when things do not make sense, even when it seems that we have to give up so much. Just do it. Just obey Him. And in the end it will all make sense. You will not regret it when you will see the wonderful things He had in store for you.

I am really excited about Youth in Mission, about the wonderful things God will do there through united prayer and about spending a week with Melody and Gerda. We serve an awesome God and He just showed me one more time that He is more than amazing.

Bitter-Sweet Memories

I sit in front of my computer, tears streaming down my face, wondering: What am I doing here? Why am I living in this huge city instead of living in a small jungle village? Why am I living on the 9th floor instead of living in a hut? Why do I have to spend 10-12 hours a day in front of the computer instead of teaching, working in the garden, visiting people? Why am I not there, in the frontlines of the battle? Why? It is not the first time I am asking myself all these questions. I have done it countless times. In fact, I have done it every time I read or listened to a mission report.

I am watching a video with Sarah and James Appel, medical missionaries in Chad. I watch them speak about God's calling for their lives. The conviction and assurance from their words and voices remind me about my own conviction that He has called me to be a missionary as long as I live. But now, here I am, in the middle of the city far different from the place where I envision myself living and doing mission work.

I watch them speak about pain and death and my heart feels the heaviness of each word. I hear them speak about challenges and I hurt with them again. I remember all the loneliness I faced, all the tears I shed. I can feel again the heaviness of the responsibilities on my shoulders. I remember having nobody to turn to for help and being crushed by the heavy load of my responsibilities. I remember also feeling that I cannot carry on any longer.

I watch them speaking about sacrifices and service and I remember finding out just a couple of months ago about their loss. They six months old baby boy died to malaria. I hurt with them, I cried and wondered why. I also remember Gary and Wendy and the loss of their 5 years old son to malaria. How shocked I was and how my heart ached for them. I think about my sacrifices. They might have felt big once but now they seem small compared to theirs.

I hear them speaking about the primitive conditions they live in: in the middle of nowhere with no electricity, no internet, no phone. I could almost breath in the humid air. I can almost feel the mud under my feet during the rainy season. And I can hear the rain falling hard on the shingles of the girls' dorm. I can hear the baboons barking early in the morning. I can see the fog lifting up in the morning and the humming birds looking for their food. I remember listening to the radio and hoping that the mission airplane will come and bring news from home. I also remember the frustration every time it was suppose to come but it didn't. I feel the expectancy built with each passing day. I can also feel the disappointments every time we had no news.

I watch them speaking and working as a team and I remember also watching Gary and Wendy Roberts doing the same. That's when I told the Lord: "This is what I want!!! This is exactly what I want!!! I will not marry someone who is not mission minded." Seven years have passed since I made this decision and I have not changed my mind.

I have no doubt that I belong there! There is no doubt that missionary blood runs through my veins. One and a half years passed since I came back and one would expect that I will be missing those places less and less and that the pain will be smaller. But it is not. My eyes still get moist every time I read a mission report. My heart still aches every time I hear a missionary speaking. 

But even though I am wondering and hurting again, I know that I have the answer. There is peace deep down in my heart because I know He brought me here. And I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am where He wants me to be. I remember Melody and the long prayer calls we had that revolutionized my prayer life. I remember finding a deeper and more meaningful relationship with my Lord. Than I remember GYC Romania, AMiCUS International Congress, ASI Spain, GYC France, EUD Annual Council, AMiCUS Romania, GYC Portugal and some other events where people found healing and peace, where they had a special encounter with God because of united prayer and because I allowed God to use me. And all this have happened since I came back home. 

I know that there is no service without sacrifice. Sometimes the sacrifices are bigger, sometimes smaller. I know that my sacrifice is worth it. It is worth all the pain, heartache, tears, loneliness and all the times I miss being in the jungle as long as I know that I am where He wants me to be. And for now He has called me to be here. 

GYC Portugal, a Life Changing Event

When I think about GYC Portugal all I can say is that God is amazing. I simply do not have words to describe how blessed I was to be there. I have experienced God's presence and I have seen Him working in amazing ways like never before. I have to admit that I was not really enthusiastic about going to this event. I was also wondering how is it going to be and how I will handle everything. No teammate was there to help me. I had also been really struggling before I left and I did not feel prepared for this event, but everything that happened there showed me one more time that the work will be done "not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord of hosts" (Zach. 4:6) and that His power is made perfect in my weakness. 

Though it was a rather small event (300 attendees) I was so surprised when I realized at the end of this event that there had always been at least 2-3 persons in the prayer room to pray with. The very first people I prayed with were one of the speakers and his family - Daniel Spencer, his wife Sarah and their three children Rebecca, David and Joel (ages 5, 7 and 9). It was so beautiful to be able to pray with this lovely family who understand the need for prayer and who loves God. All of them became very dear to my heart as we got to talk more during the conference and discovered that we have a lot in common.

United prayer is not a new notion for the Portuguese brethren. Only a month ago Elder Jerry Page and his wife visited Portugal and talked about united prayer. Many people told me how blessed they were by their presence. Someone told me that they watched the live streaming of Janet presentations, but at the end they felt that they did not get everything they could out of this 10 days of prayer. So they talked about how to have a deeper experience with God and someone came up with the idea of organizing 10 days of camp meetings of prayer and fasting! Wow... It left me speechless. I was so impressed with their desire to draw closer to God!

After my first announcement about the prayer room around 40 something people joined us for a session of united prayer. This is when I met Sonia. She did not pray much. In fact, she just listened to the prayers of the other people. But I got to talk to her in the end and I asked her to come back. She did and I was amazed to find out her story. She was not sure why she came to GYC and she thought that she will have to listen to long presentations and that there will nothing practical to help her wounded heart. You see, she was really hurting when she came to GYC and she was looking for healing. Than I went on the stage to talk about the prayer room and about united prayer. She told me that when she heard the stories I shared and she saw the passion I was speaking with, something in her heart told her that this is her answer. But Satan was not ready to give up on her and told her that this is just the same old stuff. Nothing new, nothing will change things for her. Praise God that He won and Sonia not only came to the prayer and found peace and healing, but she became one of my faithful translators and helpers. 

My three angels - Ana, Sonia and Marisol

It was after this prayer session that I also met Marisol. She also did not know why she came to GYC, but she knows now why and she also spent a lot of time with us in the prayer room. Ana is another angel sent by God to help me there. So, even though I had no teammate to help me with the prayer room, God sent me the right people at the right time. I was so blessed by their presence there.

Do you think that Satan stood still? When he saw that God is really at work, he tried his best to discourage me. Saturday night, just as I finished praying with the last group of people in the prayer room, I started having chills, high fever, a strong headache, sore throat, and sensation of vomiting. I also felt very weak and I could hardly walk. I was wondering if I could present my two workshops the next day and if I will be able to handle the prayer room. So I went to my hotel room, prayed and went to sleep. The next morning the fever was gone, but the rest of the symptoms were still there. I knew right away that this is not a physical but a spiritual battle. I also realized that Satan knows that something great is about to happen and that is why he tries to keep me down. But I was not going to let him have victory so I decided to get dressed and get going, praying that God will give me power as I go. And He did!!! It was amazing how He put a smile on my face the whole day and gave me power to present the workshops and feel very comfortable speaking in front of the people. 

As I was speaking, I simply felt how God was giving me the right words. I have no doubt that it was Him who gave me power and energy, who put the right words on my lips and who also gave me joy in my heart. And the response of the people was simply overwhelming. I was happy that the Portuguese Union already printed out the United Prayer Handbook in Portuguese so those who wanted it could have it in their own language.

At the end of the workshop a gentleman and his son came to talk to me. The father told me that he came to GYC because he wanted to hear pastor Stephen Bohr and Daniel Spencer speak. Now, after he came to the united prayer workshop, he knows that God brought him there because he had to attend this workshop. He was determined to go back home and start a prayer group. And he is only one of the many who told me the same thing, that they want to start praying unitedly in their churches.

There was also a lady who came to the prayer room. She faced many trials. She lost her son some time ago and her husband was suffering of a terminal illness. There is no need to tell you that she did not know how to smile anymore. She prayed with us and came back later on to tell me that people told her that this was the first time they saw her smiling. So, I praise God that He takes our burdens and that He can put again the smile on our faces.

One of my translators brought to the prayer room all the young people from her church but two of them. One of the two did not come was a young girl who refused to come because her mother was against united prayer. Monday night, just as I was getting ready to go home, a young lady came to talk to me and ask for some advice concerning some practical aspects of the Christian life. After I talked to her, she asked me if I had the prayer room open the next day (the last day of the convention). I was not really planning on having it open because the convention was suppose to finish around noon, but because she was the second person to ask me, I decided to open it. Later in the evening, while I was talking to my translator and told her about this girl, she told me that it was the same girl who was against united prayer. I don't know what made her change her mind, but I am happy that she took the last chance and came and prayed with us.

I was also happy to meet some people I met at AMiCUS International Congress in September where Irene and I facilitate united prayer. One of the couples I met there told me that they started two prayer groups in their church. There were some other people who told me that they attended the AMiCUS Congress in Paris but they did not come to the prayer room. When they came back home they were so angry with themselves for not finding the time to go and pray. Now, they were happy that the Lord gave them a second chance. So, praise God that He is a God of second and third and ...a lot of chances.

On Monday we had a united prayer session with everybody. That was really powerful. The leaders told me that people asked why didn't we have united prayer every day.

Since I came home I kept getting lots of emails and messages on facebook about what a blessing the united prayer was for them. And the GYC leaders decided that they really want me to be back for the next GYC and told me not to schedule anything for February 8-12, 2013.

So, need I say more to convince you that this was a really Spirit filled event? Believe me, it was the best event I ever went to. Seeing all these people who are searching for God with all their hearts was such a blessing for my soul. It was for the first time in my life when I was not tired at the end of the event, when I still had energy and I did not want it to end. You see, I thought that I would be exhausted at the end because I had no one to help me. But the Lord showed me one more time that His power is made perfect in my weakness. He can bless and give power and strength. He can still do miracles. In fact, one of the GYC leaders told me that he has witnessed miracles every five minutes. God was present there and we could clearly see His hand at work.

I guess it's high time I start praying more for Youth in Mission, the next big event I am going to in a few weeks. Join with me in prayer that God will bring a mighty revival among the young people from Germany and that our presence there will be a blessing for many.

Answered and Unanswered Questions

"So, are you in a relationship? Have you met someone?" I have been asked this question countless times. "You've got to do something. You have to start searching for a husband", I am told when I tell them that I do not have a boyfriend. I smile. There was a time when I tried to help them understand my point of view, but now I don't even bother. They don't understand. Some of them can't. Some of them don't want to. Some won't even listen. 

Those who have not seen me for a long time go on asking: "So, what are you doing? What are you up to?" I tell them that I am a translator for Hope Channel and that I am also working and traveling for ARME Ministries, leading united prayer and presenting workshops on prayer and united prayer.

"Oh, I see" some would say, glad that the mystery is now solved. Those who are more daring would even venture to say: "Than, how do you want to get married if you travel so much? Who would take you? You have to settle down if you want to get married one day." I smile again. I have heard this over and over again for the past 7 years since my life has been different from the life of most of my friends and acquaintances. 

So, aren't they right? I have been a volunteer five years and I have lived isolated in the jungle and desert. And now, even though I kind of settled down and have a job, I keep traveling the world. Humanly speaking, they have all the reasons to be worried for me.

What people see is the a girl who is strong, a leader who gets involved in so many projects, who travels, who speaks, who seems to do just fine all by herself. And I can't blame them. This is what one can see at a glance. Little do they know how much time I spend in prayer in order to have the power to do all these things and how many times I have pleaded with the Lord to let me be under the stage, to let me support someone, to be the helper that He created me to be. Little do they know that this leader feels so much the need to be led, to be protected, to follow someone. 

So, why did I spend 5 years isolated in the mission field? Why do I travel now? Why do I take speaking engagements? Because He has called me to. Because I know and I have seen that the best thing for me to do is to do what He is asking me to and to follow Him wherever He leads. You see, this life is not about me, about what I can do and what I cannot do, what I want or don't want. It is about Him and glorifying Him through my life. 

Nine and a half years ago I promised God to follow Him wherever He leads and do whatever He asks me to. And I also promised Him to seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and trust that everything else will be added unto me. And this is what I am trying to do. I am very happy with what I am doing right now, but I am also looking forward to the day when I will be able to be the helper that He created me to be. 

"Well," you would say, "you are past the age most girls think they will be single. If God is in control, than why are you still single? If you are serving Him, why didn't He bring someone along until now? He knows you need someone and if you are doing His work He should be sensitive to your needs."

I can't claim that I have the answer to these questions. I know that I don't know a lot of things and I don't have a lot of answers. But there are a few things I know without a shadow of a doubt. Firstly, I know that missionary girls and girls who are traveling and doing God's work get married. So being in the mission field and traveling does not have anything to do with being single. I believe that He can drop someone out of the sky in the middle of the jungle for me. Secondly, I know that the best and only thing I should do right now is to make sure that I am following Him and that I allow Him to lead my life. Thirdly, I know that He is in control and that He wants what is best for me. That's all. And it is enough to help me live happily with unanswered questions. 

It does not mean that there are no days when I am confused, when I feel that He totally forgot about my singleness, when I feel lonely, when I wonder how much longer do I have to wait. There have been such days and I am sure there will be many more. But in the midst of all these, I have learned to be content. I have learned to enjoy my singleness and get the best of it. I have learned to love this season of my life. 

Does it mean that I gave up on love? Does it mean that I stopped hoping that I will one day get married? No, it doesn't. I have learned to love being single and not give up on love. I have decided not to allow my hopes and dreams for the future cast a shadow on my present. I have decided to learn to enjoy what I have, not to complain about what I don't. And it has been one of the best decisions I have made. 

If I am content, if I can rejoice and love my life just as it is now while hoping and waiting for the ONE, it is only because of Him. It is a gift of grace. My whole life and journey are a gift of grace. I know that He cares about my heart and my life even more than I do. This is a fact. It is what I know. And it is enough.