Wounded Healer

I packed reluctantly. Than I boarded a plane that I did not want to board. I simply did not want to go, but a promise is a promise. What could I offer to people when my soul was so dry? How could I be a channel for healing when I was wounded? How could I speak to them of the joy of salvation, about His peace when I did not have either one of them? How could I talk to people about surrender when there was something that I found so hard to give up to? I had nothing to offer. I was wounded and hurting. I was afraid that He will not pour out His blessings because my heart was not ready to be a channel of His love, because there was something that I found hard to surrender that kept the wound open and did not allow it to heal.

But I went. I met people. I talked to them. I prayed with them. I listen to their stories. I had my workshop. It was the first time I had a workshop all by myself. And while pouring my life into serving others I totally forgot about my wound. At the end of the 5 days it was all gone. Not even the smallest scar left. It was as if I had never had it. There were always people in the prayer room. The workshop was packed. People kept telling me that they were blessed. I was overwhelmed. They had no clue that I was the one who experienced the greatest blessing. They had no clue that I was a wounded healer. It was than that I understood more of what Paul meant when he said that God's power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Cor. 12:9)

I am gladly packing right now. I am about to board a plane I have been waiting to board for a long time. The same destination, but one year later. This time I am bursting with excitement because I know Him more and I trust more His power. I have seen more of what He can do in spite of my weakness. I have learned more that it is not about me. It is not about what I can do. It is all about Him and what He can do through me. It is not about being worthy, but being willing. It is all about learning to walk with Him and constantly growing. Growing while serving. It is through service that I find solutions to my own struggles and I know that He is about to heal more of my wounds.

Yes, it is all about being a wounded healer. This is what I am. And I will be. Until He comes.

Heaven Cannot Come Soon Enough

It was only yesterday that I prayed for her as I was going through my prayer list and I came to Matteson Mission School. Today, as I came to the same place, I know that prayers for her are of no use. I can only pray for her friends and loved ones who mourn her loss. 

It was only yesterday that I was looking forward to meeting her and singing with her in a month and a half when I will be going to Germany to teach Josia Missionsschule and Matteson Mission School's students. Today, I have one more reason to look forward to heaven to meet her and sing with her . I can only pray that I will be there to keep my promise. 

I met her a little over a month ago in Sweden at IMPACT Scandinavia. I don't think that we talked for more than 30 minutes. Time is always an issue at such conferences. But those few minutes that we talked have left a deep impression on my heart. It was enough to make me realize what a special person she is and make me want to meet her again and get to know her more. It was enough to make me see that she loved God and people.

She served God. She loved people. She loved music. And she touched lives. I have no doubt about that because she touched mine in the few minutes we spent together. This is how I will always remember Vivian. I do not think that there are better things to be remembered for. 

As I sit here and ponder over the fragility of life I cannot help but wonder, if I were to die tomorrow, what will I be remembered for?

Today I have one more reason to look forward to heaven. Oh, heaven cannot come soon enough! Even so, come Lord Jesus! 

It Is Better to Give Than to Receive

It's been a while since I promised myself to try and blog more about what He has been teaching me, but as you see, I did not find the time to do it. So I am thankful for Friday nights when I can spend time with the Lord and try to write down some of his blessings.

One of the things God keept showing me it is that it is better to give than toreceive. A little more than a month ago He reminded me again that He can do much more than I think if I give Him everything I have. It was a month and a half ago that I was talking to a friend. I was telling her how excited I was that I saw her on the list of the attendees of IMPACT Scandinavia (Sweden, December 2012). She told me that she registered, but she cannot come. She did not have the money. "I will pray that God will provide the money for the trip!" was my answer. But as soon as I said it, God reminded me: "Raluca, you have money in your bank account."

You see, two months prior to that, I went to a congress. They could not pay for the plane ticket so someone offered to pay for it. A month after I came back home, the leadership decided that they had the money to pay for my plane ticket, so they sent me the money. This is why I had money in my bank account, but I was planning on saving it for the next time when people could not pay for my trip. 

"Raluca, you have money in your bank account." 
"But, Lord, what if someone cannot pay for my trip?"
"Don't you think that I can take care of that when the time comes? Remember how I paid your way to Portugal, to Germany, to the US?"
"Yes, Lord, I remember."

So, I gave in. I went online, searched for a plane ticket and bought it. The amount of money needed was exactly what I had in the bank account. 

Two weeks later I was in Sweden. One evening, I checked my email before going to my room for the night. I was surprised to see an email from someone I respect. Both he and his wife have been a huge inspiration to me. I had volunteered and helped them with some projects because I was passionate about those things. I was really shocked when I read "We all appreciate so very much all you have done this year to help with "such and such projects"!  We want to send you a very small love gift for all your hard work..." It had never crossed my mind that I could ever be paid for my work. I did it simply because I loved it. And the amazing thing is that the amount of money that they sent me was double the amount of money I paid for my friend's plane ticket. Tell me that God is not amazing! 

Well God, You won again... You showed me again that you can do exceedingly abundantly above all I can think or ask. I just pray that next time I will not hesitate to share the blessings You have given me. 

Everything...

Sometimes I wonder how would our lives look like if we gave Him everything?

What if we gave Him all our gifts?

What if we give Him all our words and actions?

What if we gave Him our worst fears?

What if we gave Him those things we have been holding on and fighting for?

What if we give them the things that we want the most in this world?

What if we asked Him to take full control of our lives?

What if we allowed Him to do anything He wants with our lives?

What if we gave Him the things that we love the most?

What if we gave Him our singleness or marriages?

What if we allowed Him to be glorified through everything we are and have?

We all know that He is LOVE. He would never do anything to hurt us.

He loves us more than we love ourselves.

And He is wiser than us.

Than, why is it that we find so hard to give Him everything?

Is it because we do not know Him? Or we do not trust Him?

Or because we do not believe that He is real?

You see, God has a plan for our lives that is part of a bigger plan.

A plan that is not of this world, that is much bigger than us. A plan that is part of eternity.

And when we give Him all that we have, our lives become part of this bigger plan. A part of a plan more wonderful than our wildest dreams. A part of eternity.

Oh, when we will realize that by holding on to our lives we are missing a fuller and richer life?

We are actually missing the best parts.

God, You have my life. You have my everything. I give You my joys and my worst fears.

I give You the things that I want the most. I give You my singleness. I give You my plans. I give You my desires. I give You my dreams. I give You my words and actions.

I give You my all...

You can do anything You want with my life.

It is all Yours.

IMPACT Scandinavia - It Is Time...

Have you ever been so blessed that you feel it is hard to take everything in and you are simply overwhelmed? As I sit here and ponder over the last week and half, I can only say that God is amazing. And even though I know that my words will fall short in describing how awesome He is and how blessed I have been, I am still going to try to convey through words His goodness and blessings.

It all started with a group of dreamers who though they can get together over 300 young people in Scandinavia. Some thought they are nuts. Never in the Scandinavian history there has been something like this, but they managed to make history in Scandinavia as God used them to bring together more than 400 young people from 23 countries. I can only say that God is really raising up an army of youth in Europe to finish the work. At least 3/4th of the attendees came up front deciding to serve God, to go to a mission school or in a mission trip when Jesse Zwiker (one of the main speakers and Director of Wildwood College of Health Evangelism) made the appeal at the commitment service.

I knew that God was going to do mighty things because, as soon as I accepted to go coordinate the prayer room and have the workshop at this event, Satan attacked me and I started doubting that the decision to go there was the right one. But I trusted His leading. It is so interesting that Derek Morris was spiritually attacked, as well. But God got the victory!

I have attended many conferences all over Europe in the last year and a half, but I have to admit that none of them was so centered around mission work and finishing God's work. It was such a blessing to see all the speakers and organizer having the same mindset and the same goal. It only confirmed that there is so much power in working together in unity. 

I was so blessed to have a wonderful prayer team with people from Romania, Germany, UK and Sweden. Though the united meeting prayer room was in another building from the main meetings, I was amazed to see that many people came to pray with us. The presence of Elder Derek Morris was a blessing. I was pleasantly surprised to see people flocking to the prayer room after his workshop on radical prayer. They decided that they need the practice, as well. 

We also had united prayer every morning in the main hall and I praise God for the people who attended every morning. The group was bigger than I expected and people were really blessed. After the first morning I told to some attendees that we are thinking to make small groups and give more people the opportunity to pray, but they begged me not to. So we had united prayer every morning. Many told me that they have never experienced something like this before and they were moved to tears. I praise God for leaders (Derek Morris, Reidar Kvinge - the President of the Norwegian Union and other pastors and speakers) who joined us every morning. We stayed until late on New Years Eve (most people went to sleep after 1-2 AM) so I expected that we will have a small group praying on Tuesday morning. But it was not so. The number of the people did not decrease, but increased New Year’s morning for the united prayer session.

God not only blessed people at this conference, but opened new opportunities for united prayer. The Health Ministries Director from the Finish Conference decided that he wants to start an IMPACT project in his country and he asked me to come as a speaker and coordinate the prayer room. I talked to him about translating the United Prayer booklet into Finish language and he told me to talk to the Editor for the Signs of the Times who also attended the conference. I did and it seems that we will have it in Finish, as well. Than, I talked to the President of the Norwegian Union about doing the translation into Norwegian and he said that they want to have it in Norwegian and will translate it. Someone from the workshop also promised to translate it into Estonian. So, we will soon have more translations of the booklet. Praise God that the united prayer is spreading!

God provided an unexpected opportunity to share about united prayer with a non-adventist audience. I was asked to record a program for an ecumenical radio from Estonia. So I got to talk around 45 minutes about united prayer.

I have been very blessed by praying and talking to people, hearing their stories and passion for God. It is simply wonderful to see God lifting the burdens from people's shoulders. A mother came praying and crying before the Lord for her children and she left having peace in her heart. Another young man came to pray because he had just been informed that his 20 year old girlfriend  had cancer. It was a great blessing to be able to meet again people I met in other parts of Europe. Many of them are thankful for a second chance to come to the prayer room and pray with us. And it is also a blessing to know that I will meet some of them in the next few months at different conferences in Europe. I count it as a huge blessing to meet new people and make new friends. It is very encouraging to see many other young people with the same passion for God and God's work. 

One thing that God has been doing lately and He did it at IMPACT, also, is to rekindle my passion for education - true education as we find it in the Bible and Spirit of Prophecy, the education that prepares people not only for this life, but for the life to come. It was such an inspiration to meet people with the same passion. It's been 3 years since I have not been directly involved in the work of education, but God keeps reminding me about the importance of true education and I know that He is doing it with a purpose. I am eagerly waiting to see what He has in mind and why is He reminding me all these things. 

I keep thinking again and again how thankful I am to be able to work with ARME. I feel so alive as I get to share with people about my passion for prayer, as I talk with them, listen to them speaking about their challenges and then see God answer their prayers, and bring revival in their lives. It is what keeps me going and makes me feel that I am really able to make a difference for God. This life is worth living just for Him. Actually, ARME is the BEST THING that has ever happened to me. I simply cannot imagine myself having to be in an office full-time, like I use to be with HOPE TV. I am so thankful that God knew what I needed and He opened the opportunity for me to be able to work and travel with ARME to spread these Revival concepts through Europe. 

I believe with all my heart that today more than ever it is high time we pour our lives out for Jesus Christ. It is high time we live our lives for Him and Him alone. It is time we put everything aside and allow Him to lead our lives and use us in His service. It is time we make Him and His work a priority in our lives. 

I know that many decision have been made at IMPACT Scandinavia. So join with me in prayers for all those who have attended and decided to make a change in their lives and give their lives to Jesus. Pray for those six precious souls who have been baptized. I have no doubt that Satan will try to hinder them from allowing God to take full control of their lives, but I know that our prayers can make a difference. Let's keep praying for the work in Europe. I know that many doors are opening, but there is so much more work to be done. May we all press together forward on our knees. 

Ruth, a Story of Grace, Love and Redemption

I have always been fascinated by Ruth! There is something about her that makes her special to me. So, since my Bible study took me to the book of Ruth, I though that I should share a few of the insights on my blog.

Ruth's story is a story of God's grace in the middle of sorrow and pain. She becomes a widow at a very young age, but because she loves her mother-in-law she stays with her. When Naomi decides to return to her country, Ruth decides to go back with her, despite Naomi's plea to go back to her family. She leaves everything that was familiar to her to go to a place she has never been and join a people she is not part of and was very different from. I cannot help but wonder why did she make this choice? Why did she choose to go somewhere where she was a foreigner and intruder? It must have been something that she saw in her husband, Naomi and her family, something valuable that she wanted to have at any price, at the price of never seeing her family again. What a wonderful testimony of Naomi's faithfulness! And what a wonderful testimony of someone who wants to have Jesus at any price. What price am I willing to pay in order to have Him? How much do I value Jesus? How much do I want to have Him? I feel that many times we turn back before Naomi tells us to go back home. It might be because we have not tasted of how good He is and we have not yet seen something that we want to have at any price. Or we might be looking for the wrong things.

Ruth follows Naomi being very much aware that she might never get married again. Actually, Naomi uses this reason when trying to make her turn back. But for her having Jesus was more precious and more important than having a husband. I simply love her priorities. I am sure that she wanted to get married, but she knows what are the most important things in life and she is going to have them even at the price of some things that she would like to have. She knows what she cannot live without and she surrenders her desires. Ruth is going to have Jesus even at the price of remaining single for the rest of her life. You see, this is why I love Ruth.

There are so many lessons to learn from her life and I am definitely not going to speak about all of them. I am amazed of God led her to Boaz' field. It was not Naomi who sent her there in the first place and I know it because when she comes back Naomi wants to know where she has been. God knew exactly where to send her. Another thing that is really standing out for me is her character. When she goes to Boaz, he tells her that "all the people from my town know that you are a virtuous woman." I was curious to see if there are any more places where the Bible says about someone as being a virtuous woman and I discovered that the only place is Proverbs 31. It is obvious that she had a very good reputation and she was a woman of character. She was very loyal to her mother-in-law and she was very industrious.

I admire Ruth, but I also deeply admire Boaz. He did not attempt to take advantage of her. He did not look down on her because she was poor. He redeems her. His attitude calls for the highest praise. 

I believe that Ruth lived Matthew 6,33: "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." She is one example that, when we seek for God and put Him first, He is faithful and He supplies for our physical and emotional needs. Her love story is one of the best love stories ever! Her life was not easy. She went through a lot. She suffered a lot. But she remained faithful to God and He rewarded her faithfulness.

More of Him

My heart is heavy and I know that I have done it again... I know I have glorified self, not Him. I know that I have pointed people to me, not to Him. I know that what I said and did was stained by self. Even though I do not want anything of me and I want it to be all about Him, there are still moments when it is me and not Him shining through. I can identify so well with Paul that says: "For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do." (Romans 7:15)

So I dream of a day when there will be nothing of me. When it will be all about Him. A day when  I will be so hidden in Him, that He will shine through me in every single thing I do and say. When my words will be His words. When my actions will be His. When I will be only lifting people's thoughts higher and higher until they will rest only on the Lamb of God. When I will only be pointing them to the Lamb on the cross. When there will be no pride and selfishness left in my heart. The day when He will have 100% of my heart. When my eyes will look only to Him, not to me or to those around me. When my heart will learn His heartbeat. When my heart will break for the things that break His heart. When His tears will be my tears. When His passion will be my passion. When His agony will be my agony.

I dream of the day when the battle will be over, when I will be able to sing my heart out this song that I absolutely love:

"It is finished, the battle is over

It is finished, there'll be no more war

It is finished, the end of the conflict

It is finished and Jesus is Lord."

This are a few of the things that I have been dreaming about and praying for lately...